Alec vs The Man
by Toriano.Flacko
Summary: When it's that time of the century, who will stand and who will fall against The Man? No listed pairings, and lemons, methinks. Maybe.
1. Dummy go nightnight

Do not kill me... yet...

I do not own Teen Titans, so you can breathe now.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Beast Boy, look out!" Robin yelled again, as if the green Titan didn't see the crate flying at him. He'd never understood how exactly the Boy Wonder could be so well-meaning and obvious at the same time. Not to mention so _loud_.

Beast Boy instead morphed to a fly, equally effectively dodging the large crate aimed at him by Adonis, more personally named 'the dumbass.' How he even had muscle armor in the first place, let alone somehow getting it back every time he got out of prison, was a mystery to the world.

"What's wrong, shrimp? Too much pressure on ya?" The red moron's banter was extremely annoying, even to Beast Boy, who personally wish he would shut the fuck up as he rushed at Adonis as a bull.

Adonis. What the hell kind of name was that for a villain?

The muscled man blocked him with one armored arm, even as he clubbed Starfire out of the air with a statue. Which there seemed to be alot of for an abandoned warehouse. He threw said statue at Robin who was speeding over to Starfire, only to have it meet Cyborg's Sonic Cannon.

Morphing to a velociraptor, Beast Boy chomped onto Adonis' arm again. Only to have his teeth get stuck as his horns had only moments before. He was rewarded by a few scratches in the others real arm, so, eh.

Anyways, shrieking like the sissy-in-armor he pretty much was, Adonis managed to throw the Titan off of himself and into a wall, only to be practically dancing out of the way of black telekinetic blades, courtesy of Raven. "Ooooh, fiesty!" He said before throwing a new statue, forcing the dark one to block it while Robin kicked Adonis in the head repeatedly, nearly breaking his foot in the process.

"Hard like metal," he grinned at the pained expression on the Boy Wonder's face.

"Maybe because you have a freakin' helmet on this time, jerk-off," He retaliated before he got slammed violently into the floor by his leg.

"Hmmm, now where did shrimpy go?" Starfire was already shooting star-bolts from her hands and eyes at Adonis while Raven did the same in her own way. He rolled out of the way meeting Cyborg who was aiming both Sonic Cannons at his chest...

Meanwhile...

The world was somehow _still _hazing in Garfield Logan's eyes as he fought to stay awake. He shouldn'tve even been slammed into the other room, let alone being knocked out, by the wall he'd hit. But somehow the world was going black to him, even as he felt the adrenaline rush still pounding his head. Even as he thought he saw Cyborg get knocked across the same room, a few feet from him. Even as he saw a flash of blood-red eyes snapping open in some far away section of his mind, he could only think two words.

"This... sucks." He managed before his eyes drifted shut...

As Cyborg climbed out of the wall he didn't even notice the green teen just feet away from him as he sped back at Adonis. So he couldn'tve notice when his eyes opened, boredly drifting around the room trying to figure out where he was while on the inside he was glad to even get free of those damned chains Beast Boy had locked him away in so long ago...

Then he noticed fighting going on one room away. _Eh, at least it'll get my attention for a while, _he thought before almost stumbling into the room full of statues...

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Oh yeah! Adonis still got the moves! Nobody can stand the might of Adonis!" If you don't know who this is by now, I pity you.

The metal-clad moron was inexplicably still dodging the combined efforts of Raven and Starfire after sending a certain cyborg named Cyborg(Duh!) to join the shrimp in another room of the warehouse. Coincidentally, moron-moron had long-since forgotten what he'd been doing there in the forst place. Something about planting some bomb some masked guy gave him...

(It is tiresome to write 'moron-speak', so insert dumb phrase dum-dum would use here.)

"Shut the hell up!" Adonis was jerked violently down to his knees by his neck by none other than-- Beast Boy. He almost shrieked like a girl again at how the green Titan seemed to send off waves of power from such a weak-looking body. Then again, who was he to talk?

Momentarily regaining whatever composure he'd ever had, he started his stupid, pointless banter again. "Hey, I was wondering where you went shrimp-bo--" He was cut off by none other than himself. With somewhat good reason, too. He noticed Beast Boy's eyes were not their usual green, but...

Instead two violent crimson orbs stared back at Adonis' confused face before grinning evilly. All Adonis could do was stare as the Titan tightened his grip on his throat and reached back an arm...

**WHAM!**

A single tremor shook the building as twisted red metal, then flesh, met concrete and wood. Still grinning, now a little bored, the changeling shook the unconcious man's armored shoulder.

"Excuse me? Young man? _You just got knocked the fuck out!!"_

He laughed lightly at his own joke and for the first time noticed that the rest of the Titans were by now staring at him. "What? I got something on my face or..." He, Beast Boy, or whatever was possesing him, then noticed something. More of a guess, but he happened to look up and see a large loose block of concrete falling at his head. "See ya 'round guys!" He said before once again, a tremor shook the entire warehouse. This time for a completely different reason.

"Ow...What the..." The first thing Beast Boy noticed was either the pain in his head, or the fact that he was no longer in the wall. He definitely didn't notice the looks his friends were giving him or that Adonis was now unconcious less than two feet away from him. But that changed pretty quickly.

"Uhm, why is everyone staring at me?" Then he noticed some familiar red metal near his face. "Whoah, what the hell happened to him?" Oh, yeah, by the way, by now his eyes were back to thier normal, green color so that was a little confusing. But the changeling saw clearly in the back of his mind two red eyes closing then nothing.

"Guys? Anyone? Hellooooo?"

-:-:-;-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-;-

Whew! first chapter took me that long? Crud. No romance yet, but I think that will show up later on...

So! Tell me how I did bringing in the Animal, eh? I will confuse you, but, eh, these things are supposed to be confusing...


	2. What the Freak?

Okay, it seems I forgot to mention a couple of things last time, but here we go!

**Warning: **This is not going to be quite like anything you've ever seen before. The ideas are formed in the Bowels of Sane Madness, otherwise known as my mind. Plus, this is a completely original idea, so there! To be a square for one brief moment, this thing will follow a random plot that will stay on a simple path, so if it gets confusing, I may or may not be sorry...

Disclaimer: Fine, I don't own the Teen Titan's. Happy now?

God, I'm gonna hafta say that every time, ain't I?

TT

What the Freak?

The next thing Beast Boy knew, he was riding through Jump City on the R-Cycle, Cyborg and Robin right behind him in the T-Car. For a second, he wondered where he was, and what the hell he was doing, then remembered how he'd somehow gotten the keys to said R-Cycle after not really getting any response from his teammates for 5 minutes straight and he'd started hearing a little voice in his head, telling him to pick a freaking mode of transportation and leave everybody. Which we will not go into right now.

In other news, the changeling had pretty much NO FUCKING CLUE what he was doing at the moment. At first he'd just told himself it was just like riding his B-ped. Riiiight. After his last near-death experience( which shall henceforth and whateva be known as NDE's) which was only, oh, two seconds ago, and barely missing his fifth old-lady-pushing-an-empty-baby-carriage down the street in a minute, I think it's safe to say Beast Boy was a little freaked out, too. Especially because that same little voice in his head was back. And giving him... advice?

_'SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!'_

Loud advice, but, yeah.

Beast Boy was painfully aware of Starfire and Raven hovering like Angels of Death over his head, not daring to get any lower for fear that somehow he would get the R-Cycle into the air and hurt... somebody. His communicator was now permanently set on '_Beeeeeeeeeeeeep'_ from the battery strain, and he himself was trying not to do the same. Which his voice seemed to be helping.

_'Dude, did I not just tell you to slow down? Turn around, while your at it. We're going the wrong fucking way.'_

This time he listened, at least, to the 'turn around' part. Also, by now he noticed that there was an actual voice in his head, and it wasn't Raven.

_'Dammit, Gar, you know what? Just lemme do this. Your freaking out too much.'_

For the second time that day, a pair of blood-red eyes opened and pretty much took over his mind. This time he hadn't been knocked out, at least, but he was driving.

Which was a little bad, now that ya think about it. Because he started swerving in the road, his world growing dark. And, as I think I mentioned before, he was going REALLY fast...

TT

What the other Titans saw was a little crazy. Beast Boy. Rirding the R-Cycle. This couldn't be good.

Why's that? Well, about who cares when months ago, Cyborg tried to teach the Chngeling how to drive, using a simulator. He didn't exactly trust him with a real car. Why? Beast Boy's racing game skills, or lack thereof, said it all. But noooo, not only did he still crash in the simulator in the strangest way possible, he'd freaking broken the simulator.

Which brings me to this sentence, what evey Titan aware of what was happening was thinking at the moment; this is not going to end well.

So when he suddenly turned around, and seconds later start swerving down the street, Robin cried out for his ride like, like; like how Cyborg suddenly cried out for the T-Car every time he had a 'nightmare' about Beast Boy behind the wheel. Yes, it was that scary. And yes, Cyborg can have nightmares. Kind of. But back to what was happenning!

Thankfully, the road he'd been traveling was relatively car-free. This was not the case as a semi came blaring out of nowhere, also swerving crazily. Everybody mentally prepared to hunt for Beast Boy's last will somewhere in the Tower, and somewhere in his mind he regretted not writing said last will, when something _too_ clich'e happened.

The green Titan stopped right in the middle of the road. And the semi charged... right around him. Yeesh.

In the T-Car, Robin let out a breath he knew he'd been holding in while Cyborg raised eyebrows at what the hell just happened. And on the little screen of Robin's communicator, Beast Boy finally decided to answer his leader's, uh, call... I think.

_"What, Rob?"_

A little too surprised at what just happened, Robin stared for a moment at the screen, almost ready to get out and give him the beat down of his life at what he'd just done. So, once again, it shows how focused you gotta be when the eye-color of who your looking at actually matters. Beast Boy's eyes were, for the second time that day, red.

But of course, Wonder Bread didn't notice that. Why'd you think I typed all that anyway?

As the traffic light finally opened his mouth to say something(bout 4 seconds later), the Titan on the screen sighed.

_"Whatever, man, I'm going back to the Tower. Beast Boy out."_

Outside the T-Car, he flipped his communicator shut, and once again, started on his way back to the Tower, just with a couple of changes from a few minutes ago:

1. This time there was no voice in his head, telling him what to do.

2. He was actually going slower, and not nearly hitting someone/thing every 3 seconds.

3. He was not in control of his own body.

TT

Fifteen minutes later, Beast Boy, himself again, woke up in the common room of Titans' Tower, with no actual memory of how he'd gotten there. He was, of course, confused by the sudden change of environment, and by the fact that he was the only one there. But what creeped him out was that he'd apparrently fallen asleep on the couch while playing Gamestation. No, even creepier?

He'd apparrently beaten Cyborg's high-score. By one point.

TT

**Yawn, I'm tired. Sorry if this chapter was a litttle confusing, but I'm updating, so there. Gimme ideas if you think it sucks. If you don't still gimme ideas. I gotta go somewhere for three weeks, so you just gonna hafta wait for my updates. REVIEW!! Yeah, I noticed soma yous ain't exactly been reviewin. Btw, if you still on that 'this chapter sucks' thing, you try writing your ass off on a half-baked idea for an hour and a half. Yeah.  
**


	3. Why do you hate me?

(YAWWWN) Ah, good to stretch... good God, man, why the hell haven't I updated this thing yet!? Oh, wait, thats what I'm doing right now? What do ya mean 'Well, duh'?! And the readers are freakin out? What the heck are you talkin abou-- oh.

Sorry if I've lost a little of my more prominent randomness, but lets face it, school does that to ya. Oh, btw, I forgot to put something in at the end of last chapter, so don't worry if your confused, I am too.

**Mimi-dudette:**(sigh) yeah, well, I think I really spazzed out right about then. but still, it was random, right? please tell me I'm right...

**ayafangirl:** ... thanks, I really needed that. seriously. not kidding around. I will die if I'm not told I'm really random every, oh, say two months. unfortunately I'm not so random I don't know what I'm talkin about stop me now!

**Strgrl4eva:** thanks, I like bein told I'm funny. and if anybody who read this and think 'hey wait a minute...' ... just use the butter.

**Not G. Iving Name:** uhm, sorry, but no. whatevr I do, I can't put Beasty as the not-so-mystery man as of this chapter for two simple reasons. 1, bring him in too early, and everything is gonna get confusd. 2, he's gonna be funny enough in my other story, don't worry. and 3, do you really think he has red eyes? lemme check... no, wait, that was three reasons.

Disclaimer: Fine, I don't own the Teen Titan's. Happy now?

TT

_Fifteen minutes later, Beast Boy, himself again, woke up in the common room of Titans' Tower, with no actual memory of how he'd gotten there. He was, of course, confused by the sudden change of environment, and by the fact that he was the only one there. But what creeped him out was that he'd apparrently fallen asleep on the couch while playing Gamestation. No, even creepier?_

_He'd apparrently beaten Cyborg's high-score. By one point. _

_But before he could do the Beast Boy Dance, he heard a very familiar voice behind him..._

"Hey, Gar, long time no see. Or hear, or smell, or talk. Long time since I've even breathed, you know?"

Beast Boy turned around so fast he almost, ALMOST, got whiplash as he saw the figure behind him and stared. And stared. And stared. And sta--

TT

Dammit man! Stop messing with the recording thingy!!

SP: Sor-ry, don't know what your problem is... (withers under Death Glare(tm))

Back to the story!

TT

Where were we? Oh, yeah, BB was staring in total... something, into the mirror behind him that seemed to be lying leisurely on the couch in the Titans living room.

Except, mirrors couldn't bend, as far as he knew, and his reflection definitely didn't have red eyes. So the green, teenager-looking thing on the couch could only be one thing...

Basically, himself. You know, green skin, pointy ears, annoying grin, heck, one of the only slightly different things about him was his uniform, which seemed to have been traded in for loose-fitting black jeans and a red muscle shirt.

Yeah, his identical twin had no true sense of fashion all right, but, eh, close enough.

Almost calmer than anybody would expect him to, he asked,

"What the hell are you doing here, dude?! And who the hell are you?!"

... And yes, that WAS calmer than most people would expect him to react.

However, this seemed to tick the other one off a bit for SOME strange reason...

"Bro, you _know_ who I am, or did you forget after so long?!"

"Naw, I didn't forget. I just really, _really _hate you right now!"

"About what, me calling Raven hot? Well, you know, _you_ were the one thinking it, _I_ just thought it louder!"

"No, it's not that... But I still gotta get you back for that."

"Really? That's not it? Okay, is it because I ate Starfire's cooking using your body that one time? It just smelled so good! And I was hungry! And it was the only thing the others had left to eat in the Tower!" He frowned.

"Yeah, yeah, you and your wierd tastes. I still need to get you back for that, too, but no, that's not why I hate you... right now."

"Okay, then, is it for being your brother, a half-demon by technicality, being sealed into your body and hiding until the last four years? _I _still have to get _you _back for chaining me up! Inside your mind of all places..."

"Hey, I had to chain you up or you would have gotten caught trying to prank Robin again, and DUDE!! It's not that bad in my mind!!"

His doppleganger was silent a minute before muttering, "Uhm, yes, it is."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"I like watermelons!"

"I like tofu!"

"I... Don't!"

"Well too damn bad, your not eatin' any of that... meat any time soon no way!"

"Wait, what are we yelling about?!"

"No fucking clue!!" yelled BB for the last time. "And no, that's not the reason I hate you right now. The reason I hate you is because you just had to go and pull that stunt today."

"What stunt? Suggesting that you 'borrow' Robby's ride? Taking over when you couldn't handle it? Or do you mean earlier, when I knocked out Adonis?"

"I could've gotten him myself, you know."

"Not from what I was seeing." Beast Boy frowned at that.

"Bro, you should_ know_ by now, that's how I fight."

"Whatever, so, how is Rae-Rae doing, by the way? She hasn't... uh... found out about me yet, has she?"

"How should I know, I can't read minds... But still, try not to let her sense you... You know what happened last time..."

_Flashback!!_

_Beast Boy, for once, was up early in the morning, you know, at like 11:39 p.m.(yes thats almost midnight... you got a point?) As usual, he saw Raven meditating in front of the... uhh... window that made up almost a whole wall of the common room. His half-demon-by-technicality brother (who no one else can see for now, btw) seemed to have been asleep when he'd left his room, so he thought for once his insomniatic tendencieswould hopefully go unnoticed. That was not to be happening._

_"If you value your life, drop the can of whipped cream now and back away slowly."_

_Crud!!_

_As the green teen began sneaking fast as Speedy Gonzales back to his room, Raven gasped seemed to sit up as if shocked by something. Of course, BB went over to investigate, or at least just look at her face. When Raven turned around, however, the gemstone on her forehead seemed to pulse red dangerously giving the room a dangerous glow. In the slightly better lighting, BB saw his half-demon-by-technicality brother standing behind Raven as she opened her mouth and screamed..._

_"I LIKE PINEAPPLES!!"_

_End Flashback_

"Once again, I'd like to say, that was TOTALLY not my fault. And if the girl likes pineapples, she likes pineapples."

"Not your fault? I seem to remember you saying you had no idea thats what would happen if you tried to influence an empath! And we'll never know if she does like pineapples, I mean, whens the last time you saw her with any kind of fruit even resembling a pineapple?"

"Last week."

Beast Boy did a double-take."Really?"

"No."

TT

As the two seemingly twin Titans were having this random-yet-makin' sense-kinda conversation, Robin and the others were still searching the city. Under Robin's order of course. After all, who else would look for a green guy on a motor-cycle when all you have to do is look for pure carnage? Oh, not to mention after said green guy TOLD Robin he would be at the Tower?

Just another reason why I think wearing tights constantly shrinks more than the body if you know what I mean...

After brutally interrogating, ah, I mean politely questioning at least ten citizens who are now in need of new underwear, who all said they saw BB heading towards Titans Tower, Robin was _almost _starting to suspect that that's where Beast Boy actually went. But before crumbling under a very annoyed Cyborg, Starfire, and Raven's insistences (insistences. thats how you spell it, right?) to just check the freakin' locator thingy that tells where each Titan is at all times, he said he had one last thing to do in the city.

The dark figure that many people avoid just because how he looks stood behind the dumpster in an alley, waiting for his supplier of what he calls 'the stuff'. Personally, he couldn't care less about how people went running when they heard his name, or the reputation he has in a certain big, dark city. He just cared... alot, about his 'stuff'. He had an addiction to it, you might say.

Finally, after what seemed like two seconds but was really a year, his supplier, a traffic-light looking guy wearing a mask appeared, walking slowly in the shadows. As he approached the man, he knocked three times on the dumpster, saying, " Hey, it's D, man. I got the stuff."

"Stop tryin to act cool, DICK, just hand it over."

"Just tell me one thing, first... Have you seen this vehicle?" He asked, pointing at a very bad drawing he considered a masterpiece, of the R-Cycle.

"Uh, yeah, man, it went to that... big... tower looking place in the bay, now can I get my stuff?"

The other man growled." You sure it went that way?"

"Uhm, uyeah, man, now gimme my stuff."

The traffic light handed the clown-looking guy a brown paper bag and walked back the way he came. " I don't know how you can stand that... stuff."

And so the Joker for some odd reason climbed into the dupster and waited until Robin was completely out of sight until opening his baggie and iside was...

At least two full jars of hummus.

Nobody undestood his ways, but that stuff just gave him such a rush! So of course he didn't notice the garbage truck backing up. He did notice, however, when his jars of hummus went crashing into alot of garbage, therefore making it in-whatever he was going to do with it.

And so, losing his hummus, the Joker, the most feared criminal this side of the Canadia, met his end in the bussiness end of a garbage truck. Or DID he?

In his car, Cyborg was repetitively banging his head on the steering wheel of the T-Car, muttering "sorry, baby" every time he hit. Starfire had long ago given up trying to stop him, and simply lay in the back seat asleep and, as it turns out, Tameranian drool causes rust, even on leather car seats!

Raven had long since gone back to the Tower to meditate (in her room, of course), trying to refrain from checking the Boy Blunder for brain-damage. Or at least, to refrain from causing Wonder bread to have brain damage.

So when Robin walked calmly out of a dark alley, got in, and said, "Okay Cyborg, lets go home", it would make sense that the T-Car chose that moment to for some reason, not be able to go anywhere.

Let's just say Starfire really earned a whole week off jury duty for carrying the T-Car, with Robin and Cyborg still inside, all the way home.

TT

**Sorry, dudes, dudettes, but I gotta stop right here for now, the fracking voices in my head won't shut up and agree on something. Beware, I'll update sooner next time.**

**I know, I know, no real RobxStar or BBxRae to speak of right now, but these things take time, youngsters. And how much time do you think I have on my hands, here? Try two hours a night...**

**Anway, In the famous words of Ahnuld S. from those three movies, "I'll be back... with an upate within the next month, hopefully, so stay tuned!"**


	4. Hangin' Around

cRaZyMaN676 Reportin' 4 duty!

... This wasn't next month, I know, but I have seen da light!

... Shining in my eyes while the police officer asked me how much I had to drink! And she was just talking about the Coke! Well, the Coke plus sugar, since I hear Coke plus Mentos equals bad, this was better. I think. Uhm...

Okay, so, apparently that last chapter pissed alot of people off, if the lack of reviewing says anything. Let's try a different approach, shall we? One week later, people!

Disclamer: Dudes, dudettes, I'm _not_ takin' the blame for the nutjobs that canceled Teen Titans (translation: No, I don't own them).

Chapter 4:One Week Later Bets

Since somebody forgot to leave a good cliffie last time, time actually has not stopped, just slowed down. This is where we come in.

In a certain building in a certain city, a certain green teenager hung upside-down by his tail while scrubbing away at a certain annoying stain on the ceiling. If you saw him at the time, you would, without a doubt, belive he was crazy, for he was seemingly talking to himself.

If you've gotten to the point where you realize it's Beast Boy, in Titans Tower, in Jump City scrubbing at a grease-stain that had somehow gotten on the ceiling while yelling at... Still nobody, seemingly, then good on ya!

If you haven't actually gotten to that point yet, then... Whoops. Maybe an explanation is in order.

Approximately one hundred sixty-seven hours, fifty-nine minutes, and fifty-nine seconds ago, the near equivalent of seven days, a.k.a one week ago, Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire arrived back at the Tower to discover Raven strangling Beast Boy for some unclear reason.

Exactly one hundred sixty-eight hours ago, the exact equivalent of one week ago, Raven mysteriously disappeared while Robin took her place throttling the life out of BB.

Somehow, he survived.

While there was absolutely no evidence that the R-Cycle had been harmed in any way, or driven at insanely high speeds at all, for that matter, NightFart-- I mean, Robin still assigned BB with the stupid task of becoming the Titans own personal male-maid. For the rest of two weeks.

Joy.

At the moment, the others were out chasing their leader gone AWOL, him having left a letter saying something about life having no meaning without Sheila, his massage chair, around, and he would be certainly found at the nearest bar drinking himself to death. Beast Boy had immediately sympathized in a way for the Boy Wonder, having gone through the same phase in his life, having only last year lost Lori, his surfboard, in a tragic storm courtesy of Trigon.

Or so we think.

Beast Boy was just fulfilling his duty as male-maid to not leave the Tower at all when this had started, so it could be said that the author is just the slightest bit desperate in coming up with a reason why BB would be 'alone' in the Tower. Yeah. That, plus the changeling didn't really feel like chasing a moving traffic light right now.

Anyway, why is he scrubbing at a grease spot on the ceiling upside down? Simple, Silkie ate all of Robin's cheap hair gel-- every single freaking tub of it-- plus a few blocks of tofu while BB had been charged with 'the cleaning of Robin's room' about three days ago. And from the mess that happened afterwards, it seemed that the pet/parasite/bumgorf was _not, _in fact, capable of eating just anything and regurgitated the mess all over the training room.

Needless to say, the worm survived long enough to go into hiding away from the Tower's resident obsessive-compulsive leader. Leaving BB to take the blame and clean the whole mess. And as it turned out, regurgitated cheap hair gel is actually harder to get off walls, ceilings, and floors than you'd think.

Also needless to say, this is why Garfield Logan was yelling at his seemingly twin imaginary brother while hanging upside down in the training room all alone in the Tower on a Saturday night.

_Another Saturday night, and I still ain't got that body...  
You know, the one that bro Gar Logan promised me?  
Now how I wish I had a dick to jerk off...  
Gods, I am bored as hell..._

"Uh, ya think?! Plus; you totally jacked up that song, dude!" Beast Boy waved his arms around like a madman, uncaring about his position. Which, if you haven't been paying attention, is upside down, hanging by his tail.

He'd actually discovered this kind of new ability sometime in the last few days; he could actually morph specific parts of his body, and keep them that way. That, plus he could personalize every addition he made. Convenient.

Or so we think.

_Wow, you really think my singing is that bad, kiddo?_

Beast Boy face-palmed and shook his head, still upside down."Technically, dude, I'm be older than you by three minutes, and even then, that would be if you _had_ a body, so don't call me kid. Besides, I don't think your singing could have been any worse unless you _had_ a body of your own, Alec. Anyway, I'm still working on that whole 'get my ecto-whatsit brother a body' thing, so hold your stinkin' horses, dude! I still think you planted the evidence saying that I gave the worm those tubes. The tofu, I understand, but really, now..."

_Hmm, I think I'm detecting a little stress here... Am I detecting stress, buddy?_

"Well, that depends. I _am_ currently behaving somewhat schizo whilst yelling at my invisible brother, who just _happened_ to make a full-body reappearance a few days ago! Oh, did I mention he decked somebody bigger and _almost_ as annoying as he is and got me in trouble with the resident anal retentive? Yeah... Well, that plus the fact that I'm cleaning, _cleaning_ in a way that defies the laws of physics, not to mention I haven't done anything to earn all this bad luck! DID I COMMIT GENOCIDE IN A PAST LIFE?! REALLY, NOW!!"

Looking over at the monkey bars, where Alec was mimicking his position, Gar briefly wondered how he'd managed to get a cliboard into his hands. He seemed to be scribbliing rapidly, too.

_Seems... to avoid... speaking of his parents..._ The see-through teen looked up, now with giant glasses on his face. _Have you ever considered taking your own life, bro?_

"ARRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!"

TT

Over on the more sane (or not) side of town, Slade, the real one, was watching his video monitors classic evil villain style; finger-pyramid of evil thinking, check, popcorn, check, and most of all, stone-Terra sweeping in the background whilst whistling and running away from Wintergreen with a bottle of Lysol, check.

"Die, dirt-demon, die, die!!" The deranged/obsessed/posessed butler cried, spit flying everywhere. He was actually surprisingly overflowing with unheard of stamina, so even in her rock state, Terra was starting to tire of his constant spraying; it was really starting to irritate her skin condition! Still, though, being made of an unidentifiable rock substance did not, in fact, allow her to be able to rip off the gag that seemed blocking her speaking appendage.

Therefore blocking any way for her to get Slade's permission to terminate his butler. But there are ways around not being able to talk...

The geomancer focused on her immediate self assigned task and used a couple of small rocks to spell out what she wanted to ask her 'master'.

'_Now_ can I kill him?'

"Not yet, Apprentice, not yet... Maybe sometime next week?"

'... Deal, but I want that coffee you promised me afterwards... How's Wednesday sound?'

"Aww, but Terra... I was planning a villain's party that night... Oh, well, if you're up to it, fine. Can you put him on one of those stone cross-thingys? Oh, and keep him alive as long as possible if you can, I want to see that smile on that dumb psycho clowns face melt, MELT I SAY!!"

He looked up to see Terra standing on the ceiling with her rock-tongue stuck out slightly, scribbling madly in Robin's diary upside-down. He looked over at the wall to see Wintergreen miraculously climbing after her. Straight up the wall. Wait, what was that she was scribbling in?

'Okay, hold on... I can't write that fast with these hands you know.'

TT

"It'sssslike... She washalwaysh there for meh... Ya knowhat Imean?" Tears threatened to break through the mask as the teen hiccuped, arm slung around the shoulders of a biker-looking guy no less inebriated than he.

"Mm-hmm." He didn't even glance over to the side, repeating the same mumbled phrase he'd been responding with the past half hour. The mug in front of him lowered again, refilling in a flash as he immediately brought it back up to his face.

"Whenahwas, like, stresched, or... Sumthing like that... She didn't... You know... _nag _at me, ya know? She knew when I needed time to mahself, when I needed her at my back, wherever..." He sniffed, memories flowing back at the mere thought of _her_. "The... mem-ories..." He broke out sobbing now, babbling to himself about Shiela as the biker-guy finally got up and left.

His name was Allen, and because of this encounter he would one day become a devout closet-atheist, protesting against the 'liquidation' of furniture because, quote, "The furniture has a soul, too", unquote. Not too long afterwards, he would found the first city completely dedicated to furniture, and later on become the first human to completely navigate Antarctica, and found a city there called Devil's Alley in honor of a certain tavern in Jump City.

Meanwhile, however, he was getting out of this place; this was too much angst for him. This was the _very_ reason why he'd dropped out of high school, after all.

The second the biker left the bar happened to also be the exact second the other three free Teen Titans arrived in the place, led by a very sure Cyborg.

"... Trust me, if I know Robin, he's in the third chair from the end of the table, on the left side, probably ordering his sixth, no, seventh drink. A Screwdriver, I reckon." He had his eyes closed and looked as if he was doing a 'Raven' on the other two with him; going into a strange, trancelike state, yet somehow knowing exactly what he was talking about. Concerning this, Kori and Raven had a quick mental conversation/bet over his accuracy.

_'Fifty bucks says he's wrong.'_

_'You're on. Wrong about what, though?'_

_'I say the drink. He's more of a girly man, so I say he got "Screaming Orgasm on the Beach".'_

_'I say he got "Molded Scotch".'_

As it turned out, Robin was exactly where Victor had predicted, but he was on his fifteenth round. His fifteenth round of his own personal drink.

_'He invented "The Molter"?!'_

_'I didn't see it coming either.'_

_'Looks like I owe you guys fifty each, huh?'_

**(pantspantssomanypantsnowwhichonecontainsdeadlyarmyants?)**

"Okay, fine, I'll make a bet with you." He flipped down to the bars, staring out the window in deep contemplation.

_I'm listening, I guess. I mean, you're not seeing anyone else no one can see but you, are you? _His brother mimicked his posture, floating in upside-down in mid-air just above him. He paused for a moment, unsure of what he was about to do.

_'Ah, screw it, can't hurt to try...'_

"If you can fool the others into believing that I'm still me while you're possessing me, I'll let you out again, eh? And if you happen to find or make a body good enough for you, well, that another thing out of the way then... What do you say, Alec?" Beast Boy looked around, unable to locate, er, himself.

Time seemed to slow down as he finally caught site of him, running around the room too fast for normal human eyes to see. Well, any eyes that had never tracked the Flash before, at least.

_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!! You won't regret this! Okay, maybe you will much later on, but for now... YAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!_

Without warning, the transparent blur, Alec, slammed into Beast Boy's body, and the changeling fell from the high bars onto the floor below.

Slowly, after a few minutes, he sat up. He stared at his hands, flexing the gloved fingers slowly as realization dawned.

A few minutes more later, the stumbling green teen made his way to the roof of Titans Tower as the sun was setting. An idiotic grin plastered over his face, he stood right at the edge as he stared at the sun, then at the city across the bay. Taking a deep, scent-filled breath, inspiration hit like a ton of bricks.

"GET READY, JUMP CITY!! ALEC LOGAN IS COMIN' TO TOWN!!"

**(ohmeohmyohwhataguytoshareicecreamwiththeopensky)**

How do ya like them apples, mah people?! I got out a filler, supposedly, and hopefully got our new guy fairly introduced!! Next time, I won't take those pills and wake up four months later wondering what I'm doing, I won't...

Until next time!!

cRaZyMaN676 Out!!


	5. Reflections, Hangovers, the Usual

cRaZyMaN676 Reportin' 4 duty!

Thank you, my still-loyal readers, thank you... Your reviews have inspired me! ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!

HOOVER DAMMIT!! I JUST re-edited this thing!!

Yes, it;s true; that... non-PG-13 rated scene was not supposed to show up. Sorry about that. Besides...

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.

Claimer: I do own Alec, and I don't mean Baldwin.

Chapter 5: Take a Look in the Mirror, say Wassup?

_A few minutes more later, the stumbling green teen made his way to the roof of Titans Tower as the sun was setting. An idiotic grin plastered over his face, he stood right at the edge as he stared at the sun, then at the city across the bay. Taking a deep, scent-filled breath, inspiration hit like a ton of bricks._

_"GET READY, JUMP CITY!! ALEC LOGAN IS COMIN' TO TOWN!!"_

**(iwantthewineofmycountryiwantthewineofmycountryiwantthewineofmycountryandthewineofmycountryisbeer)**

"... Right after these messages." The botoxed-reporter guy smiled at the camera-

'CLICK!!'

"No, Chris, don't--!!" The blonde girl screamed as the monster bit the Chris' head clean of-

'CLICK!!'

"And you let it simmer for thirty minutes, stirring counter-clockwise five times every ten sec--"

'CLICK!! CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK!!'

The green teen frowned on the couch at the window/tv-screen. "Dude, are you serious?! 2000+ channels on this damn thing and there's nothing to watch?! What the hell, things were more interesting when I _couldn't_ change what I was watching!" He growled before stalking off to the kitchen.

"And what the hell is this?! Dirty dishes everywhere!!" Back over on the couch, a transparent Beast Boy sighed, shaking his currently-non-existent head.

Somehow, in the first hour of being 'free to move about the Tower', Alec had done almost every single job that Beast Boy had been assigned _and_ also set up an unbelievable amount of pranks; he'd cleaned every visible inch of the hallways and the common room (and scrubbed every visible inch of Robin's CDs), updated the gym/training room with heavily-scented air freshener mines and fake weights, _waxed_ Cyborg's _room_ until he could see his own reflection in it _and_ go ice-skating on it (with no skates)... Gar was thankful that he hadn't moved on into any of the _other_ Titan's personal quarters.

It seemed that, contrary to his own attitude concerning cleanliness, his own brother was, he shivered, a _neat freak._ Honestly! Gar prayed to whatever diety was listening that his brother wouldn't be around long enough to get started on his room...

"What _is _this delicious concoction?!"

Beast Boy spun around at this, not knowing what that word could've possibly meant.

_Con-what-what?!_ He was over to the kitchen in a metaphorical flash where his metaphorical jaw dropped to the shiny floor.

All the dishes were now squeaky clean, somehow, and the aforementioned floor was spotless. This was not the reason why Beast Boy's jaw was now on a mini-vacation, however.

Next to the Titans refrigerator, waging a war with blue fuzz and the like, sat Alec, fork and knife in hand and chomping away like there was no tommorrow. The intangible animorph sweat-dropped as various portions of Starfire's leftover cooking screamed in agony, shrinking and disappearing by the second.

"Hey, isn't this that 'Pudding of Sadness' we tried that one time? Always wondered where this ran off to! C'mere, you!" Seemingly unseen by Alec as he nabbed the slightly grey substance, one of the food-creatures, a yellow one that was vaguely star-shaped, was sliding quickly up the cabinets and the wall. Beast Boy found himself silently cheering for the poor cretin; from what he'd seen so far, he would have even cheered on the remains of the resistant blue fuzz had he seen any left.

This act of hope went short lived as Alec accurately speared the beast with a toothpick, successfully pinning it to the wall without even moving from his position. Throwing a glare in it's general direction, he scowled slightly as it squirmed and screamed, obviously in pain.

"Just for that, I'm saving you for last." After making this statement, he turned back to his 'feast'; a particularly resilient cube of tofu-and-something-else hybrid had come back, challenging him with a small army, armed with many tiny stakes and mini ice-picks. He grinned wolfishly.

"General Blorthog-Mustard's final stand, I presume?" Then the calvary arrived; namely, the formerly-speared star-thing and a new adversary. The _red_ fuzz. Alec's face twitched as they all took out lengths of thread, floss string, rope and the like.

"En garde, ye scaverous dogs!!" And so began the Alec/Tameranian-food war.

Beast Boy sighed, ignoring the sounds of battle behind him as he looked out of the window. It was definitely going to be hard convincing his friends that he was still himself... Where were they, anyway? It was getting late, and he didn't want to hear about Starfire mugging somebody again...

**(thatisone-aspicymeat-aball-a!)**

Back over at Slade's hide-out, Wintergreen, the ancient butler, was now in a comatose state, curled on his side with his thumb in his mouth as he lay on the cold rock floor. One would probably ask why he was like this.

Well, let's just say you did and move on.

Every now and then, the butler would do this for no reason whatsoever for no surmountable span of time. This was why the other two occupants of the gear/clock-like hide-out took advantage of this happening in the basement of said gear/clock-like hide-out. What were they doing there, you ask?

Again, let's just say you did and move on.

No, it was nothing illegal; technically. They were just intently searching for something. Something very precious to both of them. Something that not even the famed Shaquille O'Neal could've prevented them from getting.

Assumedly.

It was something of much pleasure and much pain. It was something of much desire. It was something of which Satan would've held onto dearly if he'd ever actually actually possessed it.

It was something that could be bought for a reasonable price just about any convenience store anywhere. Namely, _it... _was known commonly to people, young and old, across the nation. Happy hour, liquor, wine, champagne, beer, the Bane of Bruce Wayne...

You know, alcohol.

"Where the hell did the damn waiter hide the bloody rum this time?!" Terra yelled, eyes aglow as they scanned the many shelves. Slade sighed as numerous empty bottles crashed to the floor, courtesy of the stone blonde.

"For one thing, why are you asking me? It wasn't _my_ turn to keep a watch on him, as I recall. Two, remember, we can't make a bunch of gaddamn noise while we do this; he might be having one of his 'light-naps', you don't know! Three, be lucky he didn't take my weed again. Four... I'm NOT cleaning that up." He glared as best he could with one eye before remembering, too late, that stone could pretty much out-stare anything.

"Will you go ahead and take off that stupid mask?! It's not like there's anyone else around to see your face besides me, and I've already seen it before, so stop being an idiot!" She seethed as he poked his fingers together and a rain-cloud appeared above his head. He'd also forgotten that the longer Terra was kept away from her elixir, the more pissy she got. He was almost certain that the look she was giving him now could rival Raven's Death Glare(TM).

"No!" He whined like a stubborn little boy and the next thing he knew, his feet had left the floor, the wall that had formerly been behind him was now going by him, and there was alot of pain generating from his stomach area. He had just discovered how hard being hit by a fist made of stone hurt when wielded by a pissed-off blonde. He'd also unintentionally discovered something else.

"Hey, there's my rum!!"

**(toketoketoketokeglugglugglug)**

"Trust me, if anything will do the trick, this is it!" Raven frowned at Cyborg's positivity.

"That's exactly what you said about your _last _twenty _great ideas._ Please, something that will actually _work_ this time?" Cyborg frowned at Raven's negativity.

"Friends, I have seen this in a movie before and I have done this many times over the years; it will work!" Starfire beamed over her shoulder at the two from the entrance of the grimy alley. What were these three doing here at such a late time? The unconcious acrobat thrown over Cyborg's shoulder might have something to do with it.

You see, it's all very simple. For the past hour or so, the three Titans had been trying to simultaneously reawaken their leader and get rid of his hang-over at the same time. Each of the four(yes, four) had given their respective ideas, but Cyborg had contributed the most. So it stands to reason that most of the ones that Cyborg had chosen had no effect whatsoever on the traffic light.

Every few tries, one of the objectives was fulfilled. On those attempts, Robin was most likely knocked out again, seeing as he somehow either still had his hangover or still was unconcious. For the first half hour, a couple of citizens had passed by or been especially interested in what was going on.

These citizens were either allowed to try their own method, or were mugged by the Tameranian. In truth, _every_ citizen that had passed, whether or not they had done something to 'help', had been robbed of various accessories by the orange girl. The thing is, strangely none of them will ever remember it happening...

By now, though, the alien had gained much more than she had ever gotten shopping, and was wearing pretty much everything she had 'acquired'; three pairs of custom-made/designed jeans, two multi-color skirts, five t-shirts, four bras and boxers(underwear), six pairs of shoes or boots, seventeen hats, twelve pairs of gloves(fingerless and regular), eight sunglasses/shades, fifteen backpacks, seven hoodies, and approximately fifty necklaces/bracelets/toerings/earrings/finger-rings/watches/contact lenses.

Needless to say, she had been very busy that day. And she was now a very happy alien.

This did not help Richard Greyson one bit. So back to the now.

"What do you call _this _one, then, genius?" Immediately, Cyborg brightened up, sat Robin down on a nearby crate, and momentarily disappeared. Then he reappeared next to two metal barrels, wearing a white lab coat with 'PhD' on it's label and white hair sprouting sporadically on his head, giving him a very 'Einstein' look. Even the mustache was there. Raven raised an eyebrow as he pulled a pointer stick out of nowhere and whacked it on the edge of one of the drums.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, half-demons and aliens..." Seeing the veins throbbing in Raven's, Star's, and even Robin's foreheads, he decided to skip the rest of the list.

"I give you what I like to call, _The Dunkin' Donuts Special..._"

**(nevatoomuchnevatoomuchnevatoomuchnevatoomuchStankball)**

Back at the Tower, Garfield sighed as Alec roared defiance in the background, watching as the first star of the night appeared in the sky.

_'Oh, well, guess I'll see them in the morning tomorrow... Kind of...'_ He shrugged, slouching his way back over to the couch.

Of course, that's when the Titan's alarm went off.

**(theol'switcharoo)**

Later that night, after the others had gotten back home and long after his brother had fallen asleep(kind of), Alec could've been found in the common room of Titans Tower, faintly lit up from the glow of the Titan's computer mainframe. If he had been discovered by any of the other occupants of the Tower, he would've told them that he was just surfing the Net, seeing as this was the best excuse the other animorph had come up with before conking out on the common room floor, unseen at Raven's feet.

The others had done their thing earlier; it turned out that it had been Control Freak stirring up trouble at the local BurgerQueen. Although Robin had been alot wetter around the torso than the citizens usually saw him and weaving dangerously every now and then; although Starfire had been wearing a much higher amount of clothing than anyone usually saw her wearing; although Cyborg had been looking very 'mad scientist'; although Raven had gone wiggy for no apparent reason for a little bit; they had managed to beat the overweight teen without much trouble.

Well, if you consider how much trouble they have with him usually, divided by Beast Boy not being there this specific time, multiplied by their slight handicaps, cross-referenced with how much damage they caused usually next to how much damage they caused this time, yeah, not much trouble. And yet still, their fans had swarmed to them almost immediately after the battle was over, barely giving them enough time to escape their obsessed clutches. The only reason 'Beast Boy' had not been able to attend was because his 'grounded' restrictions were more complicated than he'd thought; at the moment, he couldn't have left the Tower if he had wanted to, thanks to Cyborg's new Tower security.

Who knew they would cover all their bases this efficiently? Not him.

This was one of the four real reasons why Alec was examining the mainframe in detail this late into the night. The other three reasons?

Reason 1. He was examining everything that the other Titans had gathered over the years about the shape-shifter who was 'Beast Boy'. Although he himself was Beast Boy's brother, he knew everything about the animorph. Everything was too much; he had to know, specifically, how to tap into the mode Garfield shifted into around the others, how to successfully pull off being Beast Boy for a whole week. He could not have learned this over the years because, in ten words or less, Garfield himself was a 'man of many faces', so to speak, and he'd never acted one specific way for a long period of time. Alec had gotten use to this, so never really payed much attention to the details of the roles Gar shifted into. So now he had to learn, quickly. That way he could do something majorly disturbing that 'Beast Boy' would do anyway(but maybe not on such a large scale) and still not blow his cover.

Reason 2. He was watching every recorded fight that any Teen Titan, other hero, or villain had ever had. Why? One would be surprised at how much blackmail a determined teenager could accurately pick out of a resevoir of battles, let alone _this_ determined teenager.

Reason 3. He was re-watching every April Fools day that Beast Boy and himself had ever had with the others; he wanted to pull some _major_ pranks on someone before he got locked up again or before he got his own body, and he didn't want to repeat himself. Well, repeat anything Beast Boy, Garfield, had ever done. Yeah.

Reason 4. Personally, he didn't even let himself think this one out loud, for who knew who was listening? Let's just say he was planning quite a few surprises for a couple of Titans...

Reason 5. The creatures that he'd been fighting for the past couple of hours had retired to the Titan's freezer/fortress for the night, and any stragglers that wanted to challenge him didn't like the glare of the computer screen.

Basically, it could be said that Alec was preparing for something major. The idea forming in his head would've been obvious proof of that, had anybody read his mind. The low cackle that echoed through the room would've been obvious proof of this, however.

_"Oh, yeah. Jump City will definitely remember the name of Alec Logan. So many choices, so little time... And so much fun to be had!..."_

**(teribinthiosridikulasticismpopparocksapricksm)**

_O.o Yet another ominous end-phrase. Shocking!_

_... I'm gonna hafta stop doing that, aren't I?_

_I know, I know, it seems like just another filler chapter, right? WRONG!! This chapter is the spark that begins mucho mass hysteria, but very subtly, so subtly you won't realize what's happening until it's too late!!_

_... And if you want me to update even quicker, please, I mean it, threaten my life in the most reasonable-yet-ridiculous way possible. I'm serious! And no, siccing Raven or Beast Boy or Starfire or Cyborg or Robin on me won't work. Why? Uhh... Let me get back to you on that (shifty eyes)._

_NOTE: I am determined to not turn Alec into a... What is it called, a Billy-Joe? The male version of a Mary-Sue. Yeah, I'm not turning him into one. Just trust me on this, eh? If ya don't and will not eva, tell me when you see evidence of it happening, 'cuz I wouldn't shirk from a little help. Seriously._

_P.S. Wow!! Almost 3000 words this time!! I should force myself to update against my own wills more often!! _

_P.S.S. If you can guess where I got this next phrase from, you get a free, non-poisoned e-cookie, courtesy of Starfire. Whether or not you eat it is your choice._

_P.S.S.S. (Not the phrase) I will send you and make you eat the e-cookie if you don't review again._

_P.S.S.S.S. (The Phrase) "I'm not a crook!!"(runs away)_

_P.S.S.S.S.S. I like pizza._

_Until the next time, chudelings!!_

_cRaZyMaN676 Out!!_


	6. Night and Day

cRaZyMaN676 Reportin' 4 duty!

Thank you, my still-loyal readers, thank you... Your reviews have inspired me! NOT!! ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER, ANYWAY!!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.

Day 01: Demonology and IP Addresses

_Basically, it could be said that Alec was preparing for something major. The idea forming in his head would've been obvious proof of that, had anybody read his mind. The low cackle that echoed through the room would've been obvious proof of this, however._

_"Oh, yeah. Jump City will definitely remember the name of Alec Logan. So many choices, so little time... And so much fun to be had!..."_

**[q-:-p]**

The time; roughly 5:30 a.m.

The place; the Titans Common Room and Kitchen.

The subject; laughing maniacally as he types away at the Titans Mainframe, aka, excited. Possibly high.

Alec gritted his teeth, either grimacing or grinning widely as he contained yet another bout of creepy laughter.

_Genius! Pure, whacked-out, unbelievable genius! Why did I never think of this before?!_ He remembered the persona of Garfield snoring away on the couch. _Oh... right... RIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTT!!!! _

Suffice it to say, his "going crazy" was a definite possibility. His leg bounced uncontrollably and his head twitched to the side as a message appeared on the giant screen, openly signified by a giant... er... one of those beeping code thingys that always happened whenever the Titans had an urgent message.

_Oooooohhh, package-y!! Encrypted stuff?! Huh?! HUH?!_ The giant cup of green, glowing liquid on the counter was drained once again as the clearly demented teenager typed in what can only be described as a hacker's wettest dream, bypassing all security codes and firewalls within seconds. Unfortunately this process called for the use of what is commonly known as a "worm", or a type of e-mail virus that takes years for the average hacker to get used to cracking, so Alec was only able to get a glimpse of the message within the encrypted code thing before it basically... fell apart.

No worries, though. A glimpse was all he needed.

"Hmm... Big Red's coming to visit in a few days, is he? He-heh-eheh-hee-hee-hahahaha-h-HA," He muttered to himself under his breath as he weaved back into the kitchen for more of the green stuff. "Well, Mistah Supesy, ya see, hmm... Why is the Tower crashed? Weeeeelll... You see... it was all THEIR FAULT!! Gyayahahhahahahaaa!!" The scenario played out chaotically in his head, even as he almost tripped over a chair on his way back to the computer.

_Oh, yes, this is all gonna go B-E-A-Utifully!! Ha ha!!_

Alec plopped back down into the chair, scratching his head as he composed his other letter. He would have to reply to the steel guy's proposal thing about evaluation or whatever later. Now, though? Now he was a little busy e-chatting up some redhead that found him funny, making a few invitations, playing internet poker(he was up by three hundred and it was his deal. Lucky day!), _and_ coming up with something that would scare the shittake mushrooms out of some idiot on IsoHunt(damn bastard called his thesis on Hell unethical!).

Multi-tasking on a high-speed internet connection. Gotta love it.

**(t.t)**

Let us tell you a little bit about demons.

There are many different classes and assortments of 'demon', each according to their own skills and power level. Succubi, sirens, she-demons, primers, seeker, specialists; the list goes on and on, up to the Seven Deadly Sins, Lilith, and Lucifer himself.

No matter what the type, no matter what the class, no matter what the form, they all grow at technically the same rate. Generally, up to a certain age, at twice the speed of humans, so six months to humans equals one demon-year (d-year). Some say it has something to do with the area in which they reside, commonly known as Hell, but actually named Hellion. Who knows?

A few common mistakes in human legend/theory are the beliefs that all demons are evil, no demon can be killed by a 'normal' weapon, and that all demons are _mistakes_. All of these assumptions are only half-true, and, fittingly, it was a demon that started those half-lies.

Not that he got any credit for doing that, _nooo._ Quite the contrary.

Just so you know, to each other, demons refer to each other as 'Hellites', or residents of Hellion. Thought you ought to be aware of that fact.

Like children, young Hellites are not actually released into the world until they are old enough to control their powers. Also like children, younger Hellites do _not_ exactly do as they are told.

Methinks there be a connection here. Who knows?

Hellites have certain powers, each according to their 'race', and recieve most of them naturally. Every demon as of yet has received his or her powers approximately two d-years before they are deemed fit to wreak havoc. Of course, usually they get impatient and escape the depths of The Pits before they even fully realize their powers.

This is where we come in. Kind of.

Around twenty-two years ago, deep in an African jungle, an extremely powerful demon was born. This was an anomaly in itself for many reasons, but three top them all.

The demon was born in a land that was part of the human realm. Considering the fact that most are spawned from the mid-level of fire-pits in Hellion, this was a little odd, to say the least.

Two humans witnessed its birth. Refer to reason #1 for why this was weird. Usually only tortured souls saw demons being born, and even then, either that was punishment for them or it was just coincidence. These humans, however, neither belonged in Hellion nor were dead.

The demon was male.

By itself, this third fact wouldn't seem like much. Then again, since his mother was the basic Queen of Hellion, Lilith, this caused confusion and problems. But mostly confusion.

You see, Lilith is a she-demon. The most revered one there is, really, second in power to none but the King of Hellion, Beelzebub himself. Every power a female demon (the most powerful kind, by the way) could have, she had it. A small benefit of being one of the very _first _female demons that was ever around.

Contrary to popular, or not so popular, belief, Lilith is _not_, in fact, the mother of all demons. That's just her 'formal' title. She is actually only the mother of the lilin – a multitude of A-class demons. Who, if their rank didn't make it apparent, are _extremely_ powerful. And all of whom are female. So when this new demon was born, and turned out to be a dude…

You see the problem, yes?

He was going to be everything the human race envisioned to be a demon –bloodthirsty, kick ass, destructive, impulsive, and with a whimsical, bad attitude to match. The works. Probably could have taken on any human, Hellite, or supposed Holy Being one day, with the right training. And even if he didn't win half of the time, he would've put up a damn good fight and _still_ walk away alive.

That's what he _would've _turned out to be, had he grown up right.

Instead, his mother tried to lock him away in the deepest pit in Hellion, reserved only for the most dangerous, radical, and unpredictable of demons and failed 'experiments'. Hey, even demons have their limits on evil. They know of the Homeostasis that must be kept if they are to survive. That's why they created _The Cave._

The reason why she did this was because she believed that, one day, this new demon's power could have rivaled her own, maybe even Lucifer's strength. She thought that the Big Guy would destroy her for attempted mutiny or something like that if he was not beaten himself, so… Yeah. It made sense at the time to get rid of any 'evidence' beforehand.

Funny thing was, she would've been absolutely correct. If she hadn't done what she had done. It's a strange thing, what a demon will do, to preserve their own life from certain annihilation. What happened next blew that away, though.

Not even a full, single d-year into his sentence of eternity, he led the first, and biggest, jailbreak in Hellite history. With a wide assortment of 'demented demon hordes' at his command, the relatively small war took an exceptionally long time. Many 'former' prisoners had already escaped into the human world by the time the battle was over and order was restored.

Lilith's son was among the escapees, and he was the last one that got out before Lucifer even heard about the war. Coincidence? Possibly.

In the following couple of d-years, many things caught the attention of the residents of Hellion, most of which were direct results/consequences of the demon-jailbreak. A full-blooded human woman successfully summoned an escaped vengeance demon into the body of a deceased young boy. This further encouraged Hellites everywhere not to inhabit the bodies of strange little kids; the following madness of the 'Crystal Lake Incident' ended in a few new, unscheduled souls arriving in Hellion, and a team of primer-demons being lost in the effort to subdue the newly named Jason Voorhees. This was not the first major happening, though. And it was not the last.

An insane seeker, having been mutated to host berserker genes, slicing through dreams around the world. The rebirth of vampires in Transylvania, lycans in Scotland. A legion of 'comedians' rushing into and reanimating the dying body of a man up in Gotham, giving rise to a new face named 'The Joker'.

All because of one newborn, unnamed son of Lilith. Surprising, almost. But he was not without his own track-record as well.

After his escape, he began a journey that made him absolutely _famous_ down in the Deep South. It began with a few car accidents, here and there, supposed suicides, pretty simple things. Then it moved up to bigger things, inexplicable, strange things. Plane-crashes, explosions, epidemics, homicides, sunken ships and the like. It might not seem like much to some people, but they don't know how long the average Hellite takes to pull off even _one_ of those bigger things. And even then, _that_ is if they even have _training_ in those arts.

Needless to say, since this he was practically fresh out of the package, such effectiveness was _unbelievable._ And even then, he was doing all of this like a real professional, having not been sent back to Hellion once?! The mind boggles. All this, and he never laid a finger on his victims. He just pushed thoughts into their heads.

__

'Go! Go! Go! The light's still green, come on! You can do it! Wait, lookoutforthatSQUIRRLY!!'

'Do you really think she means that? Face it dude, you're worthless. Ohh, look, a doughnut!'

'Change the course and take a nap. You deserve it. Don't worry, everything will be fine when you wake up. Trust... Okay now where did I leave that monkey wrench?'

'R-14 is the disease. Don't trust the boss to keep it safe, only you know what it can do. Take it home and give it to your pet Hammy for safekeeping.'

_'The blue wire! THE BLUE WIRE!! Cut the blue wire!! No you idiot-- Hey! Peanuts!'_

_'It's probably nothing, just some idiot messing around with the cooling system. It's alright, they'll leave it alone when they realize what they're doing... Hope they're not doing anything illegal in there...'_

_'Give that rat-faced bastard a piece of your mind! He deserves what's coming to him, so why not be the one to make sure it happens?... Wait, where did you get that shotgun from?'_

These are just a few of the thoughts he whispered, shouted, or plainly stated into mortal ears across nations, that clouded mortal minds. He probably could have taught a million lessons in "Influence and Psychology 101" if more humans could see him, or if Hellion ever decided to accept him back into the fold. What neither Hell nor the two humans that _could _see him and tracked him could have predicted, however, was a simple fact.

He only called things as he saw it. And he saw _everything_.

He didn't _mean _for that for that accident in Paris, that basically destroyed a good man's life, to happen. He didn't _mean_ for any of those friendly pilots to take down multiple airplanes in flames and twisted metal. He didn't _mean_ for that woman to murder her would-be(honest) boyfriend in his sleep.

However, he _did_ mean for that one guy to miss that squirrel. Still didn't happen, though.

He truly had _no_ idea of what, exactly, he was doing. He just told them what his instincts told him to tell them. Even then, his instincts weren't exactly _evil, _just on the passionate side; they went a little overboard in the messages they told the demon to relay.

_Any_who, let's just skip to the important part, shall we?

After a while, this demon got a little homesick(it can happen), so, in his own way, he headed back to Africa. This is where the Logans come in. God, we're going WAY too deeply into exposition for just this session, so let's wrap it up! For real this time!

One thing led to another, and 'BIM! BAM!' a war was started, the demon almost died, the demon saved Mark Logan's life, the demon saved Garfield's life, the demon accidentally kills one more time, demon go dormant for couple of years and HERE. WE. GO!!

(x.x)

"What?" Raven eyes were the size of swirling dinner plates since the one raised eyebrow thing didn't seem to do it anymore. The green teen before her sighed. Again.

"I _said_ what do you think I should make for breakfast?" No, that's not what he had said to make her go all wiggy.

... Wait. Ahem.

A little earlier that morning(very slightly earlier), Raven had walked into the common room feeling a lot of strange emotional... something. It wasn't exactly turmoil, but it wasn't exactly placid lake if you know what we mean. It might have had something to do with the eerie paranoid feeling that she'd been getting all week. It might have had something to do with the large amount of clothes Starfire had gotten from who-knows where all of a sudden, or Cyborg going Einstein on her, or Robin getting drunk as hell, the day before.

It might have had something to do with racket being emitted by the room in question that suddenly stopped when she entered, who knows?

After having examined the room like it was inspection day, which happens like once every blue moon, Raven couldn't find any possible source for the sounds that had suddenly disappeared. So she went about her daily routine, since it had been raining outside and she couldn't meditate on the roof. Tea on the stove, book on the sofa, she'd settled in for, as mentioned, her daily meditation.

She couldn't have predicted how suddenly everything would go straight back to hell and BACK AGAIN before she opened her eyes. Again.

Hmm. This is a little confusing.

After what felt like hours, but actually only seconds, Raven started the other half of her routine. Well, would have, if her tea had still been on the stove. Which it hadn't been. In the place of the tea pot, there had instead been a giant frying pan, sizzling with what might have been grease. Which was weird, since usually Cyborg wasn't up until like seven unless there was an alarm or something.

... Or something like that. Whatever

Anyway, when she moved the frying pan, Beast Boy had appeared out of nowhere in front of her wearing a chef's hat and apron and some of those big-ass stove mitten thingys people always see people who cook wearing. Then, through what could only be described as a blur now, Beast Boy had somehow gotten Raven to sit at the table which kind of leads up to here.

... Uhhh...Where were we? Ah.

"And _I _still have no idea what you mean by that." The anamorphic teen smacked himself a little too hard in the forehead and fell over backwards while Raven looked on. She actually had heard some of what he'd said, she just made no real sense of it was all. Something sounded off about it.

"Fine, I'll repeat myself _one more time..."_ He began before getting up and pulling a chalkboard out of seemingly nowhere, as usual. On the visible side of said chalkboard was a grid, and... Well, let's just let BB handle this, eh?

"What Should I Make for Breakfast: It's a two-foot long triple-decker chicken/turkey bologna and quadruple-melted cheese toasted sandwich with a side of pancakes, bacon, mustard and ketchup," He pointed to the giant, detailed, layered-looking drawing he was standing right next to. "Versus the fruit version of a double-Z grande-sized Caesar salad with a side of baked potatoes, eggs and french toast," He then indicated the slightly smaller, vaguely drawn outline closer to the middle of the board. "VERSUS... the Beast Boy Continental. Available for a limited time only."

The last choice had no preview, which leaves one to wonder. What Raven was more interested in at the time, however, was how the prankster had managed to say all that in one breathe. Well, mostly, at least.

"I'm probably going to regret asking this, but... Whats that last one?" Beast Boy, who was looking a little sleepy by now, suddenly got a manic gleam in his eye. Straightening up, he probably could have made even Trigon nervous at how he was acting. Having calmed down a bit (slightly), Raven only raised an eyebrow, although she did wonder if she had committed some sort of offense somehow in asking that question.

"The B.B.C.?" She nodded. He grinned, leaning forward ever so slightly.

"Thought you'd never ask. Mainly, but for the name, the B.B.C. is pretty much one thing... Waffles."

Although the gleam never faded or dulled, Raven still felt compelled to ask. "That's it?"

There is a name for what could have been expected to happen. Most people know this as 'flipping out'.

"That's it? THAT'S IT?!" Now Raven was a little more worried.

... That totally didn't sound right, when in the right(wrong) context, but let's stick with it.

Beast Boy wasn't exactly bouncing off the walls and yelling, but now there seemed to be a strange fire behind him, and yet he looked extremely calm for whatever reason. It seemed that years of that calm-rage influence kind of thing was paying off in the wrong way. But before going too far into that...

"Raven, that is most definitely not it. I just made it seem that way. No, waffles is not all... Although that should be good enough. The Beast Boy Continental is--" Suddenly the oven timer went off and the green man brightened instantly. "You know what, why don't I just show you? Oh, and here's your tea, by the way."

Then, before Raven could even smack the green teen upside the head, no, before she could even _think_ about doing that, the next thing she knew Beast Boy was unconscious next to the oven door.

To skip it up, later on the others came into the Common Room later on, seeing nothing out of place(seriously, NOTHING) and ate breakfast. Then they went to training, which Beast Boy was strangely absent at, and even later Cyborg had to get the whole group together to save the kitchen from something that had burned half the place up. Of course, this led to the others asking Raven where Beast Boy was, and she _conveniently_ didn't remember. Which then led to a search for the shape shifter, seeing as they all remembered what happened last time the changeling had gone missing. And Robin had that other assignment, which involved Beast Boy cleaning the kitchen, of course.

We come back to Alec Logan about now, two hours into the search.

_"Dude!! What the hell did you do?!_"

The half-demon groaned as he woke back up. In his room, for whatever reason. What was that noise that had woken him up and why was it so dang loud?

_"Dude!!"_

Ah, right, he remembered now.

"Gar, piece of advice? Never mix five different caffeinated sodas together to create the ultimate energy drink." Definitely _not_. Never again. Maybe next week, but _never again._

_"Idiot! Even _I _know not to do that!! Do you know how freaking _hard_ it was manipulating Raven into teleporting us back here? WITHOUT HER SEEING ME?! DAMMIT!!" _

Okay, apparently _someone_ had developed anger issues. Quick, too.

"Ahh, quit your whining, G, it's all part of the plan... Speaking of which..." He rolled off the bed, not realizing that he was on the top bunk, and... slamming face-down onto the floor. He would have landed with catlike grace instead, but being half-asleep can do that to you. Careful not to make too much noise(re: slamming into every corner possible, tripping over every small pile of clothing, swearing profusely every time he did so) the red-eyed teen traversed through the land known as Beast Boy's room to the part of the wall known to permanent residents as the Forbidden Doorway.

_"Oh, you mean your plan to GET US FRICKIN' CAUGHT?!"_

"Sure, whatever, call it what you want to. They leave the Tower yet?" The shifter yawned as he waved away at the essence beside him, ear to the door. Garfield smirked, instead sticking his head straight through the door. While the original green teen did surveillance, Alec looked on.

"... You know... I never actually thought to do that, in all my time inhabiting your outer consciousness..." Garfield's reply was a little muffled.

_"What?"_

"Uh, nothing. the birds out of the nest?" Gar pulled his head back in, frowning.

_"Yup. You planning to do something else potentially stupid?"_ Alec grinned.

"No friggin' duh!" With that he opened the door and raced out, cackling as he ran down the hall. Gar shook his head and rolled his eyes.

_"This is gonna be hell to explain to the others..."_

How right he was.

(_) (_)

_Hey, I said I'm gettin' to it, and this is still for entertainment purposes! Enjoy it while it lasts, 'cuz we're goin' sane next chapter, eh, duckies?_

cRaZyMaN676 Out!!


	7. Fight the Power: Slightly Revised

cRaZyMaN676 Reportin' 4 duty!

Thank you, my still-loyal readers, thank you... Your reviews have inspired me! NOT!! ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER, ANYWAY!!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. Duh.

**Day 01: Demonology and IP Addresses(Part 2)**

_"Yup. You planning to do something else potentially stupid?" Alec grinned._

_"No friggin' duh!" With that he opened the door and raced out, cackling as he ran down the hall. Gar shook his head and rolled his eyes._

_"This is gonna be hell to explain to the others..."_

_How right he was._

(_) (_)

"Nooooooooo!!" The cry was most definitely a plea of sorrow, angst, and utmost--

_"Oh, get over it. You're gonna make another one soon anyway, so quit it with the waterworks!"_

-- Deadpan.

"But... but..." The green teen, Alec, sat forward on his knees, stretching his hands imploringly to the completely burnt half of the kitchen that had resulted when his concoction, whatever it was, had gone up into flames. He covered his face with his hands again as he sobbed. "I shall never forget... She was my first..." His shoulders shook as he whimpered out another moan of despair. "You, though, Garfield; you're just afraid to show your tender side... The side that feels... And all that other sickeningly mushy stuff..."

The original Beast Boy raised a metaphorical eyebrow. If he was afraid to show his tender side --scratch that, if he even _had _a tender side-- he was now making sure to kill it as efficiently as possible. For the last ten minutes or so, he had been all-but forced against his will to watch as his dople-gargle or whatever brother sob over the charred remains of his proclaimed "masterpiece".

Being that Alec was the one inhabiting his body at the moment, suffice it to say that Gar was thankful that_ he_ had never broken down like that in front of anyone. _Anyone_. He didn't like how a crying, possibly uber-heartbroken Beast Boy looked. He didn't like how it looked at all, and was again thankful that he'd never had to go through anything like that, not even when Terra had left the first, second, or third time.

Emotionally challenged, angry, random BB he could understand. Pitiful, not so much. So he stared on, knowing that the moment he even attempted to say something to assuage his twin's distress would immediately result in his twin's immediate inexplicable recovery.

... Wait, where did _that _come from? Now that he thought about it, he wanted that to happen as soon as possible! What if somebody _saw_ his brother like this?! Taking a deep, calming metaphorical breath into his infinitely metaphorical lungs, he prepared to at least _sound _like he metaphorically cared about the BBC/Beast Boy Continental.

Then he snorted. _Dude, that doesn't even _sound_ right..._ Before he could say anything, though, Alec straightened suddenly as a mop, a bucket full of water and soap, and a sponge appeared on various parts of his body(the mop in his hand, the bucket on his shoulder, and the sponge on his head). Then he stepped toward the kitchen, making all of the objects fall over the affected area -coincidentally- and a tank of nitrogen plus a nozzled hose appeared on his back.

"Eat freezing chemicals, Kitchen! YaaaaaaaggggggghhHHh!!" Then he charged forward, spraying anything and everything in his path with the rapidly-cooling... chemical substance.

Sighing at his brother's antics, Gar slugged into the living room and contemplated his metaphorical navel --I mean, meditated.

[:P]

"What the fuck?"

Speedy had been the first to get back to the Tower of Titans East, as was usual for the archer, and had been waiting for the others to get back/checking his fan mail on the Mainframe when he'd gotten an urgent message from, of course, Titans West; the only kind of urgent message that automatically bypassed security protocols in spam filters.

Of course, he had to check it out. First, though, he would (a) finish e-chatting up the sexy forensic scientist he'd met in a chatroom a few days ago, (b) check out a couple of premium porn sites trailers, (c) find his cell phone ,(d)and (e) respond to various booty calls around the world. Not necessarily in that order.

Or so he thought. Instead, he could himself clicking the video link included with the message after he finished up in the chatroom and before checking out the porn sites. And then, suddenly, what seemed to be a teenager battling various alien food creatures with a flamethrower in a dark room took up most of the screen.

Which brings us to now.

_"Yaghahahahahahahahahaha!! Burn in hell, space junk! You won't be claiming this planet today!!" _With another blast from the flamethrower, high-pitched squeals of anger and pain were heard, distorted by automatic sound-filters, and the alien food menace retreated to the safety of a refrigerator in the background. Then the figure with the flamethrower seemed to finally notice that the camera was rolling, and that he was most likely being watched. The figure, most likely a dude from the tone of voice through the voice distorter, then pulled a mask over his face and approached the camera.

_"Eh-hem. This is a live broadcast to all of the following recipients of this... broadcast. The Watchtower, Titans West, various other Titans across the globe, Tamaran, Azerath, the Brotherhood of Evil, regular bad guys, Hellion, random citizens, and so on, and blah blah blah..."_

[;P]

"Seri-ous-ly, man, what the hell?" The Brain voiced mechanically at the giant monkey, who just shrugged in reply. "Don't we know this guy...?"

_"... If this broadcast has made it past your spam filters and firewalls, then don't feel sad, get glad. If it had been blocked, I would have been very pissed off. And after this witnessing this broadcast, you would have been pissed off too. Thankfully, if you're seeing this, then it has not been blocked, so what the hell... You're a lucky one..."_

[;o]

"Oh, this is just _bull_shit." Trigon rubbed the thin part of his forehead just above his second set of eyes as his legions of demons stood rapt at attention. What was their attention focused on? The strange, masked being jumping and shouting on a screen.

_"TOMATO, TOMATO, TOMATO, BROCCOLI, TOMATO, APPLE, TOMATO, CUCUMBER, TOMATO, PINEAPPLE, TOMATO, CARROT-TOP, TOMATO-TOMATO-TOMATO!!"_

[O.o]

"WHAT THE FUCK--"

BOOOOMM!!

[o.o]

_"Despite what you may hear over the next few days, the government is planning a massive heart attack that will cripple our shit, gonads, and socks. It will fuck everyone's brain into a quivering blob of Jell-O, a quivering blob of Jell-O that in no way would taste good. Many will unfortunately become chronically addicted to Hard Sex as a result of this massive heart attack, also known as F.A.R.T., and the population will ex... expo... unfortunately increase by thousands as a result, and sooner or later, everyone will die for some strange reason. Whatever you do, you must not let them succeed, but fight the system with an army of specially trained ninja monkeys, flying snakes on planes, and commando gerbils; The Man's only three weaknesses, aside from an assload of French Toast. And who knows where we're gonna get that much plutonium? That's what I thought. It is up to us --the many, the crazy, the B-- to stop this mass-produced conspiracy from coming to fruity-land and taking over completely. It is up to us, to keep the world free of the influence of The Man."_

Sara Simms nodded in complete agreement with the funny-looking man that had taken up the videoscreen of her Navigator, despite the fact that she was swerving all over the road.

[o.O]

_"A little clearifying of the water, though. The Man can be anyone. It is everyone you don't expect it to be. The little old lady hefting an AK-27 across the street, the jock that went criminally insane the night Santa started taking his meds again, the St. Patricia's Day Fuck-Bunny, even the suicidal cat-lady on top of that building halfway across the city. All of them and none of them is The Man. That is just how far his reach goes. And this maniac must be stopped if the world is to maintain it's way._

_"Also, the System. Do not try to stop it alone; if you do, you are only falling under The Man's spell and turning one more wheel in the clogged up thingy that he's built over the centuries. This leads to a complication, of course; how do we stop The Man if we do not stop the System? Well, I already have a plan for that. It's simple: Meet me at the Tower of Titans West at the end of next week. They are already in on this, which is why they have let this broadcast progress this far. Come ready for a party, mostly a mere disguise for what is really going to go down. After we triumph over The Man, however, the party will be real... and I guess we could allow a few orgies here and there, eh? They've got enough rooms, but thing's're gonna be a little cramped, hmm? Right. Exactly. There will be drinks, there will be drugs, there will be one-night stands, etc., etc., whatever you want, you got. Maybe we'll even allow a short couple of killing sprees, eh? Yeah... But until then, you, Acolytes of the B, must hone your skills and get ready for the coming Judgement Day. Begin the training of the ninja monkeys, the reproduction of the flying snakes, and the initiation of the commando gerbils. It will be an honor to serve with you all. A.L. Out."_

Across the world, a multitude of heros, villains, normal humans, and demons nodded simultaneously, all unbelievably spread out from each other yet all under the same spell. They knew what they had to do and they knew that they had to start getting ready immediately. In Jump City, Gizmo contacted the Villain Hotline, calling inexplicably for a multitude of gerbils to be dropped off at the H.I.V.E. Base. In Gotham, at the same time, Catwoman, Harley, and Poison Ivy set out on their way to the West Coast, leaving behind a missing Joker and stealing a bunch of monkeys from the zoo. Up in the air, the Martian Manhunter teleported various snakes straight into the Watchtower, scaring the (bleep) out of a couple of denizens of space station. These are only a few of the strange happenings that immediately resulted because of the broadcast, and the most major.

And somewhere unknown in the nation, Chuck Norris started working out vigorously again and searching for his hat, because he got this inexplicable, powerful feeling in his gut that something big was coming. And it was coming for him; The Man.

[O.O]

_"You know, for the strangest reason, I get the feeling that something big just happened all across the globe. Do you know why that would be, Alec?"_ The non-see-through green teen looked up from the kitchen, which was already shining like new.

"Well, no, but for some reason I get the feeling that you look like a green Jesus. Would you know why that is, Garfield?"

_"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?"_

"Well, I think it has something to do with you not being in your body; your spiritual essence is shaping itself to fit how you feel, and apprently right now you feel like a, what, early-to-mid twenties year old? I dunno. Whatever." Then Beast Boy's communicator chirped for the fifteenth time in the past two minutes, and while Garfield processed the information(and how he could exploit it), Alec finally answered the call. "Hey, Robby, what's up?"

On the communicator screen, Robin's face was calm, unlike it had been a few minutes previous, when he'd led the other couple of Titans into a crack house accidentally and taken the opportunity to (1) get high as hell, (2) kick drug dealer ass, and (3) get the location of a couple of other sources currently exploitable to his high-ass gain. Which was, of course, why he was currently so calm.

_"BB?" _The Titan leader raised one side of his mask in a raised eyebrow gesture, instead coming off as if he was constipated. _"Uhh... Whe-where are you, man? We've been looking all over, like, all over the city for you, man! Raven's goin', like, spastic over here an' she-she's kinda scarin' us, BB! Where are you?!"_ The dialogue was only slightly slurred, proof of an only slightly experienced pothead, and the volume was all wrong for the way he was jacking it up. Still, though, Alec understood it.

"Robin? Yeah, I'm back at the Tower, just so you know, gonna be here for a while what with you _locking me in this place and all_... Hey, you wouldn't happen to remember the password I'd need to get out of this place, would you?"

_"You know, actually, I would!"_ Alec smiled. Maybe this would be easy after all...

"Yeah..." He waited and on the other end the acrobat swayed, staring wide-eyed straight into his face. "So... Could you, I don't know, tell me?!"

_"Oh, right! Uhhmm... 12345*. That's it."_

Alec stared, wide-eyed and unbelieving, at the leader of Titans West and he stared back. Was it really that simple? Damn.

"Okay then, thanks man!"

_"Wait a minute..."_ Suddenly the Boy who Wondered whilst High looked unsure. _"I think I'm missing something... Something about you and the password? What is it..."_ Alec had already stopped paying attention and begun running for the roof, the closer of two exits. He couldn't afford to be stopped by WonderBread's second-guesses now, he might remember suddenly.

"You'll remember it later! Thanks, though, Robin, see you later!" He ended the transmission before the masked teen could go any further; he was up to the roof by then and would not be distracted from freedom now. The last time he'd tried launching off from the roof(just for a short free-fall, mind you) he'd been zapped by some electric forcefield that only prevented him from leaving the Tower. The day afterward, Robin had told him that besides maid-duty, that was his punishment; the animorph was literally grounded.

Although he gave no sign of it, he would have really rather been free of the Tower long ago, if just for a little while, at least. So he didn't even pay attention as the disembodied Garfield floated unwillingly behind him up the stairs and out of the door. Staring carefully around, he finally noticed a number pad cleverly concealed under a giant rock that had no business being on top of the Tower anyway. Quickly typing in the password, he prayed to himself before running and jumping over the edge.

[O.o]

"Seriously, Terra, isn't it about time for you to go to bed about now? You've been up drinking for 88 hours straight!" A bedraggled Slade pleaded with the violently glowing statuesque girl as she swayed her way over a floor buried in empty bottles of vodka. She'd long ago dispensed of the butler, Wintergreen(sent him on a vacation to Ireland, she did), and now was just being an angry drunk. And just a little while ago, Terra had completely destroyed his entire wall of flat-screen tvs when he had gotten a message. So now Slade was not pissed, but feeling sorry for himself and very tired.

"Haven't you figured it out yet, idiot? My name is freaking _Terrance!_"

"What the hell are you talking about, that's a guy's name... Wait..."

"What?"

"You're a _guy?!_"

"Yup."

"Where's Terra, then?"

"Oh, my sister? Oh, I don't know, ain't seen her in a long time... You really didn't know I was a guy?"

"But we made love!"

"Yeah, so you're saying that you _weren't _surprised when I bent _you_ over?"

"I just thought Terra was dominant in the sack!! And I _liked_ that!"

"Oh, and I guess you just thought Terra was a shemale then?"

"Well... I had my assumptions... So you mean she's not?"

"_No!_ Well, not last time I checked, no, she wasn't. But then, that was a year or two ago, so... Whatever."

"Yeah... Wait, so you're her brother? And you've got the same powers as her?"

"Yup, could've sworn I said that a few minutes ago. I did, didn't I? Right, I think I did."

"So you're gay then?"

"Uhh... No, I'm bi."

"Okay, cool, cool... We still got any more beer left?"

"You know... as a matter of fact, we do..."

"Hmm... You know, we've still got a few hours till that villain meeting thing we talked about. You wanna invite a couple of hookers over here and have some fun?"

"Ah, what the hell, why not? Let's do this!"

[]

Alec would like to say that he could even feel the air blowing by him and shifted to an eagle, soaring back to the top of the Tower in glee. Instead, he got zapped right back onto the roof by 10,000 volts of electric current before he even got a foot closer to the ground below. Not minding the smoke that curled away from his body, he hissed as he stood, building up to the major swear that would come next.

"... DAMMIT!!"

Suddenly the communicator chirped again, and he answered at the speed of light, even as Garfield checked for any major damage to his body.

"What?" His voice was biting, cold, but at least it wasn't the A-bomb that he hadplanned to deliver. That's split-second anger management for ya!

It was Robin on the other end, and he appeared to be hugging the ground with this big-ass smile wrapped around his face while, in the background, Raven terrorized a local bar. And Star and Cy helped.

_"I remember what I was gonna tell you, BB! It's veeeerry important!"_

He was a little surprised(like, this much, really) but didn't show it. Intead, he asked mock-excitedly and half-sarcastically, "Oh, really? What is it?"

_"You like, need, uhh, a couple of... DNA thingy's of us other Titans to let you out; like a fingerprinty thing or a lock of hair or a retinal scan or a toothbrush or panties or... or... hair gel or... used tampons or... a toothpick or... Rachel Ray's left shoe or... and orgy or... uhhh... a YouTube account or..."_ On the screen, the Boy Wonder yawned before finishing. _"You know, I'm like, reeeeeaaally sleepy all of a sudden. That's all though. Nighty-night."_

On the other end, Alec was staring happily, and somewhat deapan at the now-blank screen. "You'd think that he'd care to point that out the first time. Never fails to disappoint, though; we've even got _details_ on what we need now."

_"Ah, that's Robin when he's high for ya." _Garfield interjected, metaphorically sighing as he metaphorically closed his metaphorical eyes in the bright daylight of the non-metaphorical sun in the sky. Metaphorically. _"Really, though, what did you think all those other boulders up here were for, anyway?"_

The green half-demon stared around the roof, wondering what the hell his brother was talking about... Then smacked his forehead as he realized that there were, in fact, five more gigantic boulders that had no business being on top of the Tower.

"You know, I really hate it when you do that."

_"Do what?"_

"Make me look stupid like that."

_"Bro, get used to it, people make me look stupid all the time. It's just time for some payback is all. And you know what they say..."_

"Yeah, yeah," Alec waved off as he descended back into deptchs of the Tower, now on a scavenger hunt. "Payback's a bitch."

_"Well, no, actually, this time payback's a bastard. Specifically, me."_

"... You know, I'm staring to see why it's so easy to make me look stupid."

_"Yeah, you and me both."_

[0!yipepiy!0]

"So we're really going to do this?" Madam Rouge huffed again theatrically(as in, just for show) as the Brain finished his explanation. She'd actually like very much to meet this... A.L., but she had to at least pretend that she didn't want to get in his pants. "Really, I don't see much point in this whole plan."

"That is be-cause you are still so nar-row-min-ded, Rouge." The stretchtastic Russian scowled at the disembodied, stilted voice of the man that had formerly served as her commander in evil plotting. "Don't you see? Eve-ry plan that we've ev-er made, ev-er-y move that has ev-er failed, ev-ery bat-tle that we have ev-er lost; is all the fault of The Man." Rouge sighed huffed again as she unwillingly continued back into the loop that had led up tot his point.

"What man?"

"The Man with the pow-er."

"What power?"

"The pow-er of who-do."

"Who-do?" Conspiratorially, she leaned in the giant monkey's direction and stage-whispered. "Have you been letting him near _that_ movie again?" Mallah just shrugged.

"It's not my fault that _that_ movie led him to this point." Rouge just shook her head.

"Any-who, we must join toge-vur with these ov-ur... _Aco-lytes_, and stop The Man once and for all." Rouge smacked her forehead with both hands.

"I know, I got that part; I'm just asking why we're heading to Australia first?" Indeed, they and a few various other villains were in some giant aircraft-carrier steadily on it's way through the ocean.

"Oh, is that all?"

"Yes. That's all."

"Well..." He hadn't even let anyone know about this, but he had this... _craving _that he had to take care of occaisionally. "It's just this one thing."

"Yes, I got that too, but what is it?!"

"... _To-pio-ca."_

[waw]

Alec grunted as he hefted the giant sack of various used hygenic products, undergarments, and random toiletries and articles of clothing up the steps. Garfield trailed behind him, warily eyeing said giant sack.

_"You really think we're gonna need all that stuff?"_

"Ah, you know what they say..." The red-eyed teen puffed, momentarily halting before getting his fifth wind(yes, instead of second, he was on his fifth, get used to it). "It's better to be over-prepared than under-dressed, eh?"

_"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"_

"No idea... really... but you can never be too sure, eh?"

_"True, true..."_

**_Later(much, much later)..._**

"Finally!!" He leaned back and just laid there on the ground, too tired at the moment to do much else. After a few hours and many, many failures(which prompted more shocking, btw) he knew this time; he'd gotten the pattern right. This time, when he jumped, there would _be_ no shocky-shocky, and what small remainder of Beast Boy's uniform that there was left attached to him would _not_ fry into thin air.

That is, whenever he got the will to move again.

Somewhere behind him, Garfield metaphorically whistled. _"Three hours and one minute! Good job. Even though I could successfully evade a raging Raven a bunch of times in less time than that, good job. Well, besides the fact that I was yelling the right combination in your ears hours ago!"_

Alec decided not to mention that the last time he'd checked, Raven _was _raging, right now probably, and that he hadn't used the original BB's combination because... wait, why hadn't he done that? That would have made things so much easier!!

"Whatever, green Jesus."

_"You know, I could grow to like that nickname."_

"Like I said; whatever." Then pseudo Beast Boy got up, stretching as the energy was already rushing back to his body. " I could really get used to this form, you know." He squinted into the distance as he detected the T-Car on it's way back to the Tower. "Oh, well, no time for freedom today. I feel like sleeping in anyway. Hey--!"

_"What? That rhymed?"_

"Yeah!"

_"Get used to it. Happens more than you'd think."_

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Once again, Alec found himself descending into the bowels of Titans Tower. He yawned. "Day one and two, complete."

Of course, that's when the alarm system went off. Typical.

[SHARKRAHS]

**_Wow, look at the time-- I mean, date! Apporximately one year since I started this thing! Although we should be depressed that we're taking this long, we're so excited! Happy Birthday, A.R.! Yes, this was actually not a filler-chapter; a bunch of stuff happened, even if you didn't notice, that's gonna be vital to the rest of it, eh?! Toodles!_**

cRaZyMaN676 Out!!


	8. Arranging of the Acolytes Prelude

**cRaZyMaN676 Reportin' 4 duty!**

**Thank you, my still-loyal readers, thank you... Your reviews have inspired me! NOT!! ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER, ANYWAY!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. Duh.**

_"Like I said; whatever." Then pseudo Beast Boy got up, stretching as the energy was already rushing back to his body. " I could really get used to this form, you know." He squinted into the distance as he detected the T-Car on it's way back to the Tower. "Oh, well, no time for freedom today. I feel like sleeping in anyway. Hey--!"_

_"What? That rhymed?"_

_"Yeah!"_

_"Get used to it. Happens more than you'd think."_

_"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Once again, Alec found himself descending into the bowels of Titans Tower. He yawned. "Day one and two, complete."_

_Of course, that's when the alarm system went off. Typical._

[SHARKRAHS]

_Chapter Something: Arranging of the Acolytes_

"So you _sure _this is the stuff, right?"

"Oh, come on! What, you don't trust me or something?"

"..." The teen unofficially known as A.L. stared at the white-haired British punk.

"Alright fine, it's _not _the stuff... but I got it right here!" He reached behind him and pulled another bible out of nowhere. "The question is, though, do _you _got _my _stuff?"

"Dude, that's what I'm talkin' about!" He pulled Punk Rocket into what might've been a one-armed hug if not for the quick exchange of a white powder between the their hands. "Okay, so your partner should be getting to the place by at least eight, eight-thirty, so if he doesn't show up, bounce, alright?"

"Hey... you think you could hook me up with a chick instead?"

"Eh..." The mask hid any emotion that might've crossed the other's face. "I'll see what I can do."

"Sweet! Peace!" With that, the guitarist hopped onto his guitar before zooming out of the vicinity of Titans Tower. In the background, the other Titans stared at the transaction carefully, questioning their sanity and what was going on at the same time. Hard work if it was anything.

"Uhh, Beast Boy?" The one-again-high acrobat sniffed as he swayed near the wall. "Why... why are there five of you standing around here?"

Alec turned around, mask still over his face as he rubbed the back of his head. "Huh. Well... You all remember what happened yesterday, right?"

_Yesterday_

_"Does anyone know where my mirror is?" Raven may as well have been asking her question to a brick wall as she walked into the Common Room, seeing as none of it's current inhabitants even looked up. Of course, that may have been because Robin was out cold on the kitchen table, Starfire was messing with the Gamestation settings over by the couch while listening to Miley Cyrus via headphones, and Cyborg seemed to be preparing major surgery on the aforementioned Boy Who Wonders(also in the kitchen), but maybe that was just Raven being paranoid. Wait, where was... Huh. Somebody seemed to be missing._

_Sighing like someone-who-has-not-yet-had-their-morning-coffee-or-in-this-case-tea, the hawt demoness turned to go flip the other rooms of the Tower upside-down in her search for "her preciousssss". If it was war that her emotions wanted, it was war they would get, however out-of-place that statement is. _

_That, of course, was the moment a certain green teen decided to pop up right behind her. Or rather, since she was turning, in front of her. Either way, he was now blocking the entrance through whence she had came, somehow without being seen._

_... Yeah, that sounds about right..._

_Leaning to the side pseudo-casually-- until he somehow tripped and fell over Silkie, who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, I might add -- said green teen proceeded to stare at Raven for no apparent reason whatsoever. Or he would have, if she hadn't freaked the second she'd seen him and drop-kicked his butt into the wall. For no obvious reason._

_"Oh, it's just you, Beast Boy."_

_"... Ow. Next time, I think a simple "hello" would do just fine? Maybe?" Due to the unfortunate circumstance(s) before the kick, and because her aim sucks just that bad, Raven had unintentionally kicked Beast Boy in the area where no man... period, likes to be kicked. I repeat, where NO man likes to be kicked. Unless he's a severe masochist or doesn't wanna have kids or some shit like that. Neither of which are our green friend here. _

_"Ooooh, damn, looks like that hurts." Alec struggled not to glare at his brother's head, which was now sticking straight out of the wall above him and giggling like a maniac._

_"... Sorry about that I guess. Have you seen my mir..." If Alec wasn't already resisting the urge to look up, he would've seen Raven's eyes suddenly narrow and promptly either wet himself(unlikely), piss blood(slightly more likely), or pray to whoever was listening -moi- that he didn't get kicked again where he'd gotten kicked just a few seconds before(much more likely). As it was, while he was covering "that" area, he heard a strange sound, something like the cogs of a rusty clock clicking and turning, or a hamster running at twice the speed on it's exercise wheel, or the cliche ticking of a bomb that for whatever reason becomes super-loud in the last seconds before it explodes, or..._

_... Wait, what was that last one? Ticking. Why would there be ticking in the hallway when there was nothing to tick? Speaking of that, what was that first one? Last he'd checked, nobody had stolen any antique clocks from an auction lately, and the last one they'd had had been torn apart during Sofia's recreation. Okay, two still unanswered, one to go; was it just him, or had his sixth sense just gone on permanent holiday somewhere in Cambodia?_

_Which could only mean... Ah, crap. What could it mean? Completely ignoring the as-of-yet-still seething empath in front of him, not to mention the yelled warnings of his brother above him, Alec grabbed his heads as he tried to sort out the obscenities he lovingly called his thoughts._

_Unfortunately, a technical demon doing that while having a half-demon's magic mirror stuck in his(or her) belt behind his(or her) back while said half-demon is internally debating whether to torture the truth out of him(or her) or to ask nicely(with the former ahead by fifty), is, believe it or not, NOT such a good idea. BELIEVE IT._

_Now_

Without as many details and putting it as(very) simply as he could, and again, without as many details, somehow Alec believed he had managed to get it across to the others.

"... But why are there _five _of you?" The green adolescent smacked his forehead hard enough for it to hurt. Whoever came up with the phrase "wishful thinking" was now a major douchebag as far as he was concerned. He was going to have a bruise up there in no time if this continued, even with the mask on. Hold on, was that blood running into his eye? Alec sighed as he saw yet another possible Acolyte coming up in the distance. Somehow he managed to ignore the other four green teens hanging around and plaster a "smile" onto his face as he went to assign the newest possible member.

Screw the bruise, an aneurysm would be "taking it easy."

Return of Da Hummus: The Stuff vs. Tapioca?

_Meanwhile, somewhere in Canadia, better known as Codename: Australia..._

A dog, or a cat, or a lizard, or maybe some crazy f#cked up mismatched version of all three stuck together that shall henceforth be referred to as the Thing, was minding it's own mangy business foraging for food(in the Thing's case, rusted metal), when it picked up a strange sound. No matter what you called the Thing, it was an animal, most likely of the alien variety, so unlike what a human would have done, the Thing stood on it's hind legs and shrugged what passed for it's shoulders. Whatever the sound was, it didn't matter unless it was coming to eat the Thing.

However, if a certain dump manager/secret agent of Canadia/top-level assassin had been awake, or even then paying attention for that matter, she would have recognized the sound as the distant grinding of a ZX-636R Ninja, in near-perfect condition with whacked-out handle breaks and most possibly of the green variety. As it was, she would just be wondering where her preferred mode of travel had gone off to in the middle of the night.

However, the Thing was paying close attention, seeing as even it could tell from the vibrations of the ground(the Thing didn't have ears, strangely enough) that whatever was causing the noise was getting closer, fast. Just as the Thing had decided to dart into an abandoned semi cab, the producer of the noise tore, literally, right through the garbage mountain beside the Thing. Not even noticing the strange creature quivering at his feet, the disgruntled figure took off the bucket that had been used as his helmet and faceguard and shook out his hair like everyone does after doing crazy shit like that.

Except not everyone _has _unbelievably greasy hair... Okay, a lot of people do, but let's pretend they didn't. Not everyone _has _white-as-paper skin that they couldn't do anything about... Although at the moment, it was covered in cuts and bruises and questionable by-products. Not every guy _has_ a paper bag with concealed contents within it's papery-depths tucked under his shoulder... Damn, I just described half the world's population...

Er, not everyone _has _green hair... Except this guy and now five other guys like halfway across the world. Not everyone _has _a psychotic grin painted onto his face... Although the world _would_ be a much happier place if they did. Oh, well, that's why it's called wishful thinking.

Besides, this specific guy's psychotic grin was now somehow switched down to a psychotic frown, however weird that sounds... Holy hell that rhymed too much... Even for this story...

BUT ONWARD!! This specific "guy" was also nicknamed Gotham's Clown Prince of Crime, so THAT should clear everything right up.

"I... _live_... AGAIN!! Muahahhahaha--er, hehehehe... uhm... Dammit, now nothin' sounds right... But at least I have my stuff!!" He tossed his bag/broken jar of... stuff, into the air, bouncing it on his palm. That is, until a certain extremely-bendy-and-stretchy black-gloved arm snatched it away! The Joker froze mid-smile, his face now stuck in a :][ kind of expression as he turned slowly.

"... Who just touched my hummus?" The somehow-extremely-bright light streaming down from the... stairway... entrance to ship... thingy... A bulkhead...? Er... Well, the somehow-extremely-bright light streamed down from the stairway-entrance to ship-bulkhead thingy and right into the Joker's face, almost blinding him to the three figures standing at the top of it. Well, two --one was awkwardly on it's side and I think you know who I mean when I say he had no arms or legs(the Brain) so him being on his side made no sense whatsoever-- and one of the other forms of... which, was tossing a certain bag up and down... Well, trying to drop it, but utterly failing because it was now stuck to her(La Roug's) arm.

Meanwhile, the other figure(Mallah) was dangerously close to falling over, partly because he was laughing so damn hard and partly because he's one big-ass gorilla-- if he didn't ever fall down for no reason, it was purely by way of miracle. The Joker cared for none of this -well, a little on the part of the laughing gorilla (you try watching a giant monkey laugh and not laugh too)- but I DIGRESS...

"What the fuck are you doing here, Brainiac?" Now that he wasn't in the presence of easily-impressionable children (oops), his "crazy" act dropped faster than a guy who's scared of potatoes drop a hot potato. Mostly, though, it was because his stuff was in danger. "If I remember right, I think I told your ass not to come bother me during my revival scenes anymore, didn't I? SO WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!"

This somehow -don't ask- prompted the more height-challenged of the four to begin rolling down the steps awkwardly, somehow coming to a stop at the Joker's feet, unfortunately face-down. This sight caused Mallah to fall down laughing and Roug to smack herself in the forehead... Then cursing because she now had the stuff stuck in her hair.

Again, that TOTALLY doesn't sound right in the right(wrong) context...

"And I tot... I tow'd _you_... Not to intufewuh(interfere)... wif my... tapioca pwojects? That _is..._ tapioca.... right?"

"No you motion-challenged moron, it _isn't._ Why is it _every time _I've got a bag stuck under my arm and I happen to run into you, you think it's freakin' tapioca?! What is your DEAL, man?!"

"... Sowwy..."

"You damn strai... Hold on. You don't say sorry that easily. You don't say sorry at all, now that I think about it!"

"I... just.... did."

"... Right. I forgot."

"... Doiiiii...."

"So what the hell are you doing with your big-ass ship in the middle of my new home? And why won't your gorilla stop laughing?!"

"Good... question... Roug?"

"He was watching that "The Hangover" movie on the way over here."

"Ah, right..."

".... Right.... _Dat_ movie..."

"So, business as usual shorty? World domination?"

"Actually... saving the... world... for once..."

"Ooh, count me in!"

"... Why?"

"I gotta do something random every now and then, so being a good guy once every decade kind of... Just became my thing. This way I can skip next year."

"... Oh. Good... Answer..."

"Thank you! Shall we?"

With that, Brain and demonic comedian went up the... bulkhead thingy(well Brain rolled), marking the beginning of a new partnership.

"Godammit Mallah stop laughing!"

* * *

**Okay, okay, okay, I know I haven't updated in a while, and this is VERY poor compensation, but this is just a teaser... for now. Yes, I'm gonna be elusive and say it's impartant... cuz it is, and I had to get something out before I went mad. Enjoy this mini-chapter, please! Then review, if you want to try death-threating me again! Summer kind of slipped away on me: sorry bout that.**

**LATER~!  
**

**cRaZyMaN676 Out!!**


	9. 8 Point 5: Crash

_Tor The Superior, falling in!!  
_

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.  
_

* * *

Chapter 8 1/2: Crash

Alec yawned, stretching as he left the roof (more like 'personal stage' for the last three days), headache finally fading more and more as he descended into the darkness where peace awaited him. Hopefully. Maybe. Most likely... not.

"It's called _strain_ you idiot. How did you ever think you could pull this off?" Honestly, the question didn't matter to him as much as getting something to drink did. What with finally getting _some_ of his little army posted at various rally points across the city, and doing what he could with the remainder...

At the moment, definite victory was a tiny blip on the horizon. Especially so because, according to recent reports from certain connections he had in the system, the influence of The Man was shifting faster than he had anticipated.

Well, no, initial reports out east had said something about the local militia groups getting real restless-like. The first time he read it over again, it said that the underworld in general was in a state of panic. Rereading the report _again_, it went something like this:

"In other news, OMIGOD IT'S CHUCK NORRIS!! (squeal) ME LURV YOU SO MUCH~! What's that? You're going to California? TAKE ME WITH YOU~!!"

Alec shook his head, disturbed by such images. Of course, the interpreted message was rather clear: "Run for your lives you hopeless idiots... or I kill you...!" Whoever had actually dictated the message had certainly done their job well... although it was pretty pointless. Neither he nor his followers would ever back down from a challenge like this!!

Well, no, he wasn't too sure about _some_ of his following. After all, with every die-hard group there were bound to be some skittish ones... then _again_, he could assume that most of those had abandoned ship when he started yelling about blood and glory a few days ago. Wherever the remainder was, they would be weeded out... sooner or later. Or they could make good distractions...

_No!_ Alec shook his head, eyes closed (and unknowingly almost hitting a door in the process). _That's the kind of thinking that got us into this mess in the first place! The Man went uber-commando and got everyone thinkin' he was the good guy! So no!_

"No what?" The half-demon jumped back, this time succeeding in hitting a wall, at the question before looking up, realizing that he had somehow gotten into the common room. Either that or... something.

Over by the window where the television used to be before somebody broke it again, the relatively human-looking persona of Gar's Beast-mode was spinning around, trying to get a look at something around his neck. Near him, on the couch, Robin was scratching his arms, his chest, his back and his head. Over by the Titan mainframe, Starfire was giggling at something every now and then, glancing between Robin and the kitchen.

In said kitchen, some other green guy that called himself Logan was sitting at the table, eating something that used to be pizza, staring across the table intently. Directly across from him was Raven, mirroring his expression. And directly between them, sitting awkwardly on the table, was Cyborg, tapping at something on his arm and glancing up at the two every now and then.

And right here in his face was Gar, waving a hand in his face and asking if... oh wait, "Is your brain still in your head or has it turned to mush that fast?"

Yeah... good stuff. He'd almost forgotten that, besides almost dying and getting Beast Boy (himself?) split into four completely different people, there was still, oh, just this this entire situation as a whole to explain to all these somewhat psychotic people. Which he had neglected to do over the past week, believing that they should have been able to make sense of the painfully obvious battle plans he had been shouting from the roof... which they _obviously couldn't make sense of..._

Unless they had actually gone ahead and sound-proofed the roof... which would actually make more sense, if they could be trusted with doing that without him noticing.

Altogether? Doubtful. He finally decided to answer.

"No, you can't harvest my organs for the black market when I die..." Gar made no attempt to hide his disappointment.

"Dammit... but wait, you'll be dead! How the hell will you stop me?!" Deciding not to answer that, Alec moved on to more pressing matters. He pointed in the general direction of the table while Gar sulked.

"You guys still keeping them apart, right?"

"Working on it," the metal man grunted, tapping furiously... er. If that was possible. Which it seemed to be. The masked half-demon blinked, staring at Gar for elaboration... who had apparently been waiting for this.

"At the moment, we're in the early stages of Plan 312, a revise... something, of number 5, which you missed out on two days ago. It involves pornographic a-something shocky thingys."

"Proximity alert shock collars," Cyborg growled.

"That's what I _said_. They get closer than they are now and..." Here he scratched his head. "Well, they're supposed to get shocked, but when Big and Scary over there tested it out yesterday, well, we had to restart his heart... a few times... and now we can't get his collar off." Alec stared from Cyborg, to Beast, and back to Cyborg.

"This is why I just said 'working on it.' If you people don't want to know, _don't freakin' ask._"

"It's a very distressing situation we have here. So, what's up with you?" He kept staring for a second before turning around, intent on giving up before he even started. They'd gone this long without knowing and... well, he couldn't say they were just fine. What were the chances that the whole thing would be over before they knew it, and that they wouldn't know what the hell happened...?

_Very high_. He nodded to himself, satisfied with the answer his mind came up with before looking around again.

"Uh, nothing." _Dammit, I answered too fast... or did I take too long to think that over?_ "Weeeell, if that's all, I'll just be going... out... of this room... to take a nap... If any of you want to try to kill me while I sleep... make sure my eyes are open. Okay?"

Simultaneously, all persons who this question was directed at (re: everyone in the room) said something akin to "What the fuck ever, get out." Yes, even Robin.

Deciding put a real meaning to it, he was just about to do that. However, before he made it out of the room, a series of random clicks and whistles made itself known to him... in the form of something outside the window. Turning towards said window, he saw it crack, and the next thing he knew he was flying through the air and hitting that place where the wall meets the ceiling... at a very awkward angle.

He almost had enough time to think how not-ironic this situation was before he blacked out. Henceforth, the common room sat in boring, non-shocked silence for a minute. Then...

"SON OF A BITCH!!"

* * *

_A few minutes before..._

Over on a roof across the bay from Titans Tower, three figures wearing strange body armor stared together at their target. Well, no, correction; one glared at the target through the sights of a sniper rifle while the other two hung around impatiently. And even then that's an understatement.

"Move over you fucking cockbite, I wanna see!" The orange-ish one whined, not at all helping the situation.

"Um, no. Only one person can use this fucking thing at a time, so get your own if you can't wait. Anyway, you had your chance yesterday, and I had to keep watch this morning. So I reiterate; no." The white one deadpanned, shooting the idea down in midair.

"Well now it's midnight, so if you wanna get technical about it, it's _my_ turn now. So _gimme_," the black one growled.

"No way, Sam, you already told us your HUD is always flashing 12:00. You still haven't set it."

"Dammit."

"Besides, you've got a hangover from drinking all day, which _still _doesn't make sense... plus you've got that crazy AI in your head. Remember, this is supposed to be an _evaluation_, not a _massacre_."

"_What's the difference?_"

"She said it."

"Did anyone ask you, Jordy?"

"No, but I'm the one with the big-ass gun right now. So shut it, Lars."

"Yeah, shut it Lars. Which reminds me, _I'm_ the commander, and I'm commanding you to _gimme!_" 'Jordy'(the white one) sighed, turning as she stepped away from the gun.

"Fine. Just don't shoot anybody." Lars(the orange one) raised her hand.

"Why don't you just take the ammo out?" Kind of late to ask now since Sam(the black one) already had the rifle.

"Well, for one thing, they're not bullets, they're some kind of new-age glowy-things. Second of all, I have no freakin' clue how to get them out. Anyway, even if I did, do _you_ trust Sam with an empty gun?" Lars thought about this... for a second.

"I don't trust her with bubble wrap... so no."

"See? Knew you'd see it my way sooner or later. Just in case, though, I left the safety on." Lars gave her a look... or at least, tried to. The visors that covered each of their faces kind of prevented that. In doing so, however, she missed seeing the three shots Sam fired in the background, or a red light start blinking on the gun.

"That thing had a safety on it? I didn't see it when I had it... and the manual didn't say anything about it."

"_You_ read a manual? Wait, no, that thing has a manual?!" Obviously Jordy was surprised.

"Uh, guys?"

"Yeah... what, you didn't read it? I did something right for once while Little Miss Perfect didn't? ... I'm very disturbed by that."

"Guys?"

"Great... but before that, how about you get back to the part where _there's no safety on the sniper rifle?_!"

"Command decided a while back, thanks to Wes, that safeties were for wusses and from then on only produced guns without safeties. Due to operatives in Blood Gulch Beta being taken hostage so much by accident, all firearms were instead equipped with self-destruct functions... why the hell do I know that?"

**"Attention, dirtbags!"** The two turned around, pistols drawn, recognizing the arrogant voice of the long aforementioned AI(Wes)... only to see the business end of a gun pointed between them. "Got your attention? Great. Could one of you tell me why the damn gun is ticking?"

Lars looked at Jordy. Jordy looked at Sam. Sam took aim at the ground.

Then the gun exploded.

* * *

_A few minutes earlier..._

Terrance blinked, yawning as he untangled himself from the arms around him. He looked around sleepily, slapping himself in the face a few times before trusting his legs to hold him up.

Short story even shorter, his legs failed, and he ended up face-down on the floor. The cold, hard, unforgiving floor.

"Ow... that's it, next time we do it and I wake up first, I'm gonna kick something before I try that... even if it gets me killed..." Saying so, he sniffed as he stalked his way into the kitchen, not expecting to find anybody there. As such, hw was kind of surprised to actually _not find anybody there_.

He thought on this as he gulped down cold coffee, straight from the pot, figuring that was his best chance for actually staying awake.

For the past couple of weeks, admittedly strange and weird in their own ways, he'd had the constant feeling that he was being watched... and yes, for once it had almost nothing to do with the fact that, just last year he'd been a rookie, up-and-coming rock star (pun very much intended). Then... well, he still had no fucking clue what had happened.

It was like, the second he'd stepped into this city, there was this gut feeling... as if someone out there was _laughing_ at him. And it wasn't like the normal way, where he felt like he was being watched and laughed at for no reason, no. The laughter only came when he did something even _he_ considered stupid. Of course, it had stopped for the past couple of days, but...

Wait. That Slade guy, he'd had some kind of name for it... what had he said?

_"Acute paranoia. It's kind of like performance anxiety, except nobody's been able to prove anything about it yet. Believe me, it happens to even the best of us."_

_"What about time moving so weird here? Feels like it's been a year since I got here, but the newspaper says it's only been three months! What the hell, man?!"_

_"Yeeeeaaah," here the mercenary scratched the back of his mask. "Uh, well, that's kind of... my fault..."_

_"... Wanna talk about it?"_

_"Not really."_

_"Whatever."_

Terrance then realised that some of the coffee was going up his nose, and that he hadn't taken a breath yet.

Roughly two minutes later, he stepped out of the (conveniently placed) bathroom, having taken the time to relieve himself while he was there.

"Not my most cool moment..." He glanced at the clock and groaned. "_So_ not the way to start the day..."

That being said, he got dressed to take a walk outside, seeing as going out in what barely passed for shorts (the rips kind of helped the breeze) was still not legal around here. Why leave the base in the first place?

Well, for one thing, it just wasn't _healthy_ to stick around one's pad for days on end, screwing the same three girls (now girlfriends(damn kids these days move fast))... at the same time... very nice, not to mention pleasurable (exploration of new methods and styles was well underway)... but with a known killer and teen-hero stalker -and Slade- somewhere in the same place, at the same time, doing something akin to the same thing?

Right, _not healthy_. Besides, it was about time to go shopping for more supplies anyway. There would be too many cranky people by nightfall if he didn't. Namely, people that controlled the fate of his 'boys.'

_Off-handedly_,Terrance thought as he neared the exit, _it's a miracle that I can still walk. So I'm gonna milk it -- no, squeeze it -- no, uh, take advantage of -- dammit, hmm.... use it? No. Claim it? No. Fuck it? ... Hell no. Do it? Screw this!! Son of a bitch!! I'm gonna walk my ass off while I still can, dammit!!_

It was with these tempting-and-yet-also-arousingly-disturbed thoughts in his mind that he yanked open one of the 'secret' main doors.

He was not to know that, if he had proceeded with his 'walk' the second he'd left the second set of doors (which happened to lead to the back alley of a weapons shop, how ironic), he would have soon been hit by a bus full of strange people (no doubt followers of AL, not that he'd find out) which was headed... somewhere. Somewhere that has no purpose in this eulogy, which shall just be written off as The Marriott.

Surviving this encounter, he would have kept going and become the victim of the crazy dog lady (cats are so overrated) that hung out on the corner near the store. Barely escaping, he would have finally made it into said store... only to be later crushed by half a ton of fertilizer in said store.

Yes, apparently anvils are overrated too.

He was never to suspect a thing. However, nature has a way with screwing up other people's destinies.

Terrance took a deep breath of what _should have_ been fresh air, coughing instead at how totally un-fresh it was.

_Destiny averted._

"Who the hell put a dumpster here," he hacked, stumbling his way down the alley.

_Destiny rerouted. Calculating course... Course calculated. Former destiny back on track. Operation 'The Sky Is Falling', Activated._

**BOOM.**

The former would-be rock star blanched, looked around. _What the hell...?_ He didn't see anything; everything looked like it did moments before... mostly because he couldn't see much. Then he looked up... and saw something falling through the air in his general direction.

"SON OF A BITCH!!"

* * *

Wes calculated the odds that she could jump ship before crashing. Seeing as the radio links were (most likely) temporarily shorted out by the blast, and that the nearest operating-and-reachable wavelength was that of a country music station... the odds were zero percent.

**"Aw, fuck."**

* * *

_What? We had to get something out there... don't be a bitch about it._

_Tor The Superior, breakin' rank!!_


End file.
